You aren't doing anything wrong.
Sadly, I can relate to your description of events all too well.
I don't have an answer - but I do have advice ...
Tell her that you want to reconnect.
Ask her if she believes that you have 'balance' in your relationship.
Tell her that you occasionally want to be the reason that she smiles.
Kiss her cheek and whisper "I love you." every morning.
Tell her that you are proud of her efforts with the children and your home.
Send her flowers for absolutely no reason - with no expectations attached.
Set up a babysitter and take her to dinner.
Ask her to express what is 'good' about your marriage.
Ask her to attend marriage counseling - not because you feel that the relationship is in crisis, but that you want to stabilize your foundation.
Love her. Unconditionally. Completely.
Do these things for the next five years. Over that period, you will come to realize that despite your sparkling resume for relationship management, and boundless capacity to express love - that you simply cannot give all of those things, with no reciprocation, validation, or emotional support in return.
You will wake up one day and realize there is no point in doing any of those things. You stop. As a result of the change in your behavior, she will want to know 'what's wrong?'. That grotesque irony will be completely lost on her. You become bitter, frustrated, angry. You now have her attention - which was all you ever wanted in the first place, and it's too late. You're done.
So here is what you can do, print this post and give it to her. If she rolls her eyes and dismisses it, I have just saved you five years.
Oh, and welcome to the forums!
