| | Re: Can it be salvaged
Ok TSWM, the reason this is important is because its the reality of your situation. A lot of cheaters will break down, cry, beg when confronted and then a week or two later you'll see evidence of her still in contact with the other man and perhaps even erasing the messages.
It can be rough, everything is shaken up now, but a week later she may tell you she just isn't willing to have the OM out of her life. And some of the time the reason will be for the electrifying and bonding sex she may have had with this man.
You're not gonna get her real feelings on this for quite some time, especially since you had to poke and prod her for the dirt so its not like she sat you down and confessed to it, and the distinction between the two is very important.
Rug sweeping this will be the death of your marriage so please eventhough what you may read here can be tough and frank, stick around and let people help you and help yourself by having an understanding base to vent to.
Your marriage is going to have to change.
She got in contact with him, find out why.
She went over to his house, she knew what was gonna happen and don't let her tell you otherwise. You don't go to an ex's home expecting an iced tea and a good chat. She is downsizing it, they didn't just 'wind up there' either. She knew there was going to be sex, but she still went anyway. Find out why and "I don't know" isn't an acceptable answer for anything you will have to ask her.
Did they really just have sex one time? For you to EVER have any modicum of trust in her again you are gonna have to know EVERYTHING, all the gory details, the lies, all of it. Did she do oral? Anal? did she do things for him she wouldn't do for you? Did she kiss him the same way she kisses you? If you don't know everything and choose to reconcile, the possibilities and unknowns will haunt you and make the mind movies 200% WORSE with you imagining hundreds of different ways they had sex.
With all that you won't be able to move on completely, and you will begin to resent her for it
Even though your resentment has a good reason for it, it will cause her to resent you and you'll end up in a false reconcilation and a bad marriage.
I'll give you my view of it, do you really want to get back together with her? You have no children and she told you a few days ago that she didn't want any kids.
You've just been confronted with a woman who has betrayed your trust and voiced opinions of not wanting children.
Also if you do get back together she may only have children as some form of recompense to you for her cheating, not because she truly wants to be a loving mother to your children.
Theres a lot of land mines here and bad signs for the future of a marriage with strife this early on. You've been together nearly ten years and yet she does this within the first two years of the marriage.
If you want to reconcile, go to marriage consoling with her and individual consoling for both of you. If that is your choice and everyone here will respect it.
But faced with the issues above, now would be the best time to cut your losses, and go find someone with whom you can have a completely trusting relationship because you'll never be able to fully trust her 100% again, ever and you need to think about that emotional ceiling that would be in the relationship if you choose to reconcile.
Last edited by Kasler; 08-11-2012 at 03:36 PM.