I have spent the last 2 or 3 years disengaged from my marriage and my relationship with my wife. The reason I'm in MC is because I don't know if I want reconciliation. I see many benefits both ways and I'm too logical to make a decision; I'm too emotional to make a decision. I know a lot more about what I want now than I did when I asked her to marry me, but I feel like don't know her well enough to know if she is what I want. I know she has made me happy in the past. I'm really picky, and that's an understatement.
Our counselor suggested separation, my wife and I countered that a separation would inevitably lead to divorce. I would lose interest in her if I made myself avoid her - my attention span is too short. I wouldn't act like a married man if I were to separate from her; what is the point in purposely forcing yourself to be lonely when it is not what you want?
The reason divorce is not ideal is our children. They are beautiful, amazing, sensitive, and innocent.
Hysterical bonding...I had to read about it. I don't think we have this in any way. We are, however, more intimate now than we have ever been, but there is no sex and no mouth kissing. I have already made it clear to her and our MC that a nonphysical relationship will not satisfy me. The hold ends in 2 months, at which point I will make a decision about our marriage.
We're both trying to figure out what we want. I know more about me now than I ever have, but I am very glad for the 2 more months.
If anyone else has opinions on how to deal with old evidence, please chime in.