Quote:
Originally Posted by hitrockbottom
She said that the last year or two has been filled w/disappointment.
She said that she is tired of me judging her.
She wants to have her life, not our life....but she didn't say she wanted a divorce or a seperation....she said she wanted to start as friends again? Ok, fine.
|
To me, it sounds as though she has been working towards certain goals and feels you have not been supportive of her. When issues come up in her life and she reaches out to you either to vent or ask for advice how have you responded in the past?
Can you think of times where you may have responded in a way that she feels you don't want to hear it or that she should suck it up, etc. or have you been empathetic to her feelings? If it's the former, she may be feeling it's easier not to say anything vs. get shot down and over time has probably made her feel lonely, that she can't come to you when she is having a bad day or worried about something coming up.
For example, say she has a big exam in a few days and says she's really stressed, not ready, needs to take the nephews tonight, etc. and your response was 'you should have studied earlier...oh well nothing you can do about that now' She's now feeling worse because in addition to her stress she now feels unsupported and alone, where what she needed was 'will it help if I take the boys to the park so you can focus and study? I'll pick up dinner on my way back, etc. You'll get through it, you always do.'
Quote:
Originally Posted by hitrockbottom
She said she is still hurt and can't trust me. Therefore she doesn't know if the things I am doing are sincere...understandable.
She said she wants me to be open as far as my where abouts and what I am doing....but at the same time doesn't want to feel selfish so she doesn't...ummmmm ok?
|
I can tell you from personal experience that when your spouse has been unfaithful, the only way to start to trust again is to feel that they are very open with you as far as there whereabouts and are very consistent in doing what they say they are doing, etc. She probably wants and needs this from you but in her current state of confusion not knowing where your marriage is headed doesn't feel right asking you to do this while she is feeling she can't commit to more than a friendship right now.
I would think it would help you a great deal right now to do this on your own. Don't put her in a position to want to ask. Be open book as far as where you are and who you're talking to. Even something as innocent as checking your cell phone in front of her could get her head spinning, so I'd take the initiative here and just say, oh, so-and-so left me a message, etc.
You know your wife and history better than anyone so I may be way off here, but just giving you my thoughts on what you've presented here in case something hits home for you.