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Bulletpr00f-
I have been through exactly the same things as you. Resentment for being forced to return to work while the kids were small because he did not take the steps to keep a job that would support us nor would he budget so we could live on his salary. Self esteem destroyed by unkind words and name calling. Being uncomfortable in my own home, knowing he looked at me as almost an eyesore.

I did lose the weight, but not for him, for me. Even when I was overweight, I had good self esteem. He ripped that away in one conversation where he called me a tub of lard. I figured out I had to regain my self esteem and if I based it on what he thought of me, he could just as easily rip it away if I failed to meet his standards of attractiveness at some point in the future.


It was very hard to lose the weight. I had a demanding career, long commute, kids, elderly parents, a house and yard to take care of. I literally got up by 4:30am and ran nonstop until I got home by 6:30pm when I started all the household chores. It took putting myself first (after the needs of the kids) to carve out the time to work out and make foods that I could eat on my food plan. Since I was so unattractive, I did not spend much time with H. Didn't want to offend his sensibilities.


Make you a priority. Just lose the weight for yourself. You will have plenty of time to think about life and what you really want out of it while you are trudging away those endless hours on the treadmill. You will have the opportunity to consider whether you want to remain with someone who places more value on your appearance than your character, someone whose actions failed to meet your need for financial security at a time when you needed to be home with your baby, someone who would withhold public acknowledgement of you by refusing to hold your hand, someone who withholds affection from you because you do not meet his standard of attractiveness. You will have plenty of time to think about all of it.