I want to know how I should proceed?
We're not married by choice. I never intended to get married (ever - not just to him) but I feel I still have the same values when it comes to family, monogamy and commitment. Up until this week, I thought he did too. Anyway, this relationship was supposed to be one of permanence. I live in Ontario, Canada. Common law spouses may be entitled to spousal support for up to three years but there is no equal division of net family property. We don't have a cohabitation agreement in place so we'd have to divide our personal property among ourselves. Fortunately, we rent and do not own a house together so that's one less problem if we do split up.
As of right now, the balance of power in our relationship is very one-sided because I am heavily pregnant and have been financially dependent on him over the last year due to a lay off and not finding a job (despite trying) before/during pregnancy. Also, I don't have much family of my own - besides the one we've created together. We have an 8 year old son and have cohabited for 9 years. The only family member I do have a relationship with lives on the other side of the province.
He has been on a few different dating websites since April of this year that I can prove and collected evidence on. He has been contacting other women for intimate encounters. I don't know if he's actually slept with anyone but since this has been going on since April and our sex-life has taken a nose-dive (it's not due to me being big and pregnant - we had sex all throughout my first pregnancy, up until a day before I gave birth), I do think it's quite possible that he has.
To make things even worse, I believe he also has a porn addiction based on what I've found. I thought he just watched a bit of porn (which I'd have no issue with before because I trusted him and our relationship was good). I was way wrong. He has almost 350 gb on an external HDD and it's gotten progressively kinkier/taboo over time. I also discovered paid memberships to porn sites and live web-cam sites so he's heavily into it. After looking at his history, I saw that he visits several sites every day for hours and is on one main dating site messaging girls to meet up every day as well.
I confronted him last night - I did make some mistakes (I should have read here first) in doing so by telling him exactly how I know and what I have on him and he's since deleted it some of the proof (profile details but not the profile itself on one site). That's okay though because I took screen snips of everything I found and even printed out his profile before confronting him. I have not shown him the evidence I have - just told him things and caught him off guard that he could no longer deny.
If he won't work on this, I can't afford to move out on my own. With no job/money of my own coming in, I can't afford/qualify for a loan. As long as I live in the same house with him, I can't get government aid. My friends can only provide me with emotional support but not help to house me. I can barely walk three blocks, I can't imagine moving right now either, even if I did have the money.
I am stuck here because of our son. I would never abandon my children and he is a really good dad and my son is very close to his grandparents, uncles, aunt and cousins here so moving with my son to live with my Aunt is not an option although she did make me an offer to do so. I won't even risk leaving for a little while because that could be interpreted as abandonment and then I could lose custody of our first-born.
I really want to work this out if he is willing to put in the effort. I've read a bit about the 180 on here but don't really see how I can accomplish that right now, granted that I'm having a baby in three weeks and will be BFing so I'll be stuck at home most of the time in the initial months and I don't have any "mom friends" who I can go out/socialize with during the day. I usually work and most of my friends have careers. Also, while he did show some remorse last night, I don't think he fully grasps how horrible this is for me/is truly genuine because twenty minutes after he suggested counseling, he got angry with me for repeating myself on needing him to get off all of the sites and stop this activity now. Then he changed his mind and said it's over.
I'm not sure if he means it or if he was just angry because getting confronted caught him off guard and we talked at length and he had to listen to me for a change or what.
Anyway, I don't know what to do so advice is appreciated. I know people can cheat at any time but being pregnant and finding out sucks! I love him (or who I thought he was) and my family is very important to me so I want it to work but I don't want to sit here and get trampled on by him if he won't change. I don't know how I can get out though. I feel trapped.
