Anxiety, Depression and RelationshipsMarriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging.
About 7 years ago, my wife was briefly diagnosed as being "Bi-polar II." After finding a good combo of med, and with the help of some therapy, things got better and the diagnosis was changed to "Anxiety otherwise unspecified."
I'm beginning to see that my wife's latest behavior could be yet another in a history of manic cycles for her. When she was first diagnosed as BiPII - we noticed a history of her almost self-destructing every 2-4 years. This was one of the ways she fit the diagnosis.
What I'm noticing now:
- Trouble distinguishing wrong from right
- Distancing from old friends - making a new kind of friend
- Obsessed with internet / facebook
- Risking her marriage - and therefore financial stability - by having 2 EA's
- Extreme need for attention - childish need for attention
Am I wrong, or am I on to something here? Or are these the same signs that someone in a MLC or someone having EA's would display?
I think since she has had a history with Bi-polar that it a possibility that something is going on. My friend is bi-polar and she is really good for a long time and then for some reason she gets into a bad spot, she goes to the doctor and gets back into therapy and in no time she is back to normal, she has learned to pay attention to the changes in her behavior and her husband watches for changes as well, she did tell me that her doctor changes the type of meds every once in a while she says she gets used to them and then they don't work as well as they should, doctor changes to a different one and then things get better again..
There is probably a lot of guilt that goes along with the EA's as well but I guess only her doctor can really figure out what is going on.
worth investigating for sure,
good luck, I'm sure it's tough on you.
She had the kids Sat-night to Sun-morn this last weekend.
She called me around 11:30 on Sunday morning - wanting to know if I wanted to go out to lunch and watch football with her and the kids. I declined - was knee deep in ornaments, trying to finish cleaning up while she had the kids.
About two hours later she calls and says she is very sick and I need to come get the kids. She's very, very whiny and acting very needy to me, while also acting very angry with the kids.
One day last week she called me to with multiple complaints and hung up on me when I made it clear that I wasn't owning her problems. Then she came by later with the kids and was all over me in the bathroom.
Talked to the marriage therapist today - wife is still sick and couldn't make it - and therapist thinks, given a past diagnosis, that this is worth looking into. BUT, my wife is not hearing anything that I have to say at the moment, so getting her to even consider this right now would be difficult, if not impossible.
Whew, you're in a tough spot, I'm sorry. My H hasn't been diagnosed with Bi-polar, but is on the usual meds: Lithium and Seroquel. I notice when he has forgotten his Lithium because he is a little more wound up then when he takes it.
He also tends to be an impulse buyer- in his past bought new vehicles, stereos, etc, and had dug himself into a big financial pit. He also likes to play cards/gamble, though he keeps this under control.
It isn't good timing, but it sounds worth investigating a med change, or even a CT of the brain- the frontal lobe controls a lot of things like right/wrong, sexual impulses, etc. and some of her actions sound like there's a glitch somewhere. good luck
According to the DSM-IV, those can indeed by signs of BP-II. They can also signal a general depression, but given her previous diagnosis, it is quite possible. My H and his behavior, stemming from recurring depression that went unmedicated, exhibited some of those same behaviors. He is on Welbutrin now, and it has done a LOT to help his behavior, in addition to therapy and a general understading of his triggers. The winter is the worst time for him. Even medicated, he has become more withdrawn this winter. The other problems aren't there (thank goodness), but he still tends to become more isolated.
Therapist shot this theory down in MC on Tuesday. I've always had trouble with seeing/understanding the differences between anxiety and manic behavior.
Therapist thinks wife is just anxious and her sex drive has increased (seems normal the more I read around here.)
I'm still not really sure. For one thing, I think a Psychiatrist is better qualified to diagnose. For now, I guess we're going with Anxious and Horny. Could be worse.
I want to "joke" about it, but its still just as confusing and stressful. Regardless of labels, her behavior seems very erratic to me, and I'm not sure that sex is going to be the cure.
A psychiatrist is the only one that is truly trained to give a diagnosis. Therapists, while they have counseling training, do not have the years of training and experience it takes to make mental health diagnosis.
If you can't get your wife to a psychiatrist, what does the therapist suggest for treatment of the anxious and horny diagnosis? Her behavior seems erratic enough that immediate treatment is likely necessary.
Is there a cause for her anxiety? Is this the same therapist who diagnosed her with BPII? Maybe he/she doesn't want to fall back on that as he/she already wrote your wife off to anxiety?
All things being said, you sound like a solid guy who's in a tough, hurtful spot. Keep us posted.
__________________
Save your marriage & avoid divorce. If there is HOPE, there is a WAY - The Relationship Advice
She's seeing a Pscyh also. I'm just concerned that she's not telling him everything. She's been on the same meds for quite some time, so she just kind of checks in every once in a while and gets scripts for refills.
I think the marriage counselor is really just trying to get me to relax and be a bit more fun in order to draw my wife closer again. But something just doesn't feel quite right, you know?
You have to go with that gut feeling. It could be something as simple as her med's need tweaking, but if she is not being honest with her psychiatrist, he is not going to know this. It's not uncommon for the body to adjust to the medication to the point where the dosage may need to be tweaked, or even a med change altogether. If this is the case, I don't really see how you being more "fun" is going to do anything to help the situation. Is it possible for you to call her Psychiatrist and discuss your worries with him?
You could always call the office and see if he would agree to speak to you. Not to discuss her, but just so you could express your concerns to him. The worst he could say is that he felt it violated confidentiality.
Bi-polar???
