I think my husband is bi polar and it's leading us to a divorce. Please help.

mzejones · 04-06-2008, 06:03 PM

Okay so I've been married for 4 months and with my husband a total of nine months. We recently decided to separate because he's extremely controlling and I can't take it no more. I did a little research on bi polar disorder and he fits at least nine of the thirteen symptoms. The disease runs in his family and everyone agrees with me on the fact that he needs to seek help. But he is stubborn and now we're not together anymore. I got married for this to last forever not to end in four months. How can I fix this?

swedish · 04-07-2008, 08:13 AM

I don't think you can if he is unwilling to seek help for himself.

daggydoo · 05-08-2008, 04:30 AM

Well the best thing is to ask him "do you want to be marry to me"
Now I know this sound a little bit forward but from what he says you will know if can work out away to help him with the bipolar.
How well lets say he say yes well jump in straight away and start talking saying " I agree with you and you improtant to as I am to you lets work this out together with some counsellor"
Now if it goes west from here which is what you donot want well you know that he meant to say NO to your frist qu.
But if all goes well great. Make sure you have planned would you want to see and a list of questions maily dealing with family history and go from there.
Now if you get this far remember to see the counsellor yourself after the see him/her with your hub.
Reason is to discuss what you can do to help more, how does he/she see how the realationship going and anything else. This will arn you with ways in which to get to understand that he has bi-polar.
I hope that helps

Liza · 05-09-2008, 06:46 AM

I think that he needs to be involved in the process, therefore if he doesn't want to do things to make it better, it won't work.

If this marriage doesn't work out. It would be good idea to what you want from a marriage on paper. Then you are contemplating marriage again, you ensure that you needs are more or less fulfilled. Not that it's all about you, but you should know what you can and cannot live with.

football80 · 05-22-2008, 07:22 AM

This must be so difficult for you. It's hard when you want something so bad to work but it seems hopeless. I think the advice people have written is true. If he doesn't think he needs help then it's not going to work, but maybe if you tell him that if he really loves you he will seek help and if he doesn't seek help then you will have to move on. Believe me, you are just beginning and it will probably be easier for you to move on, especially before you have children with him.You don't want your children to suffer.

lisakifttherapy · 05-27-2008, 08:01 AM

You won't be able to fix this. This is a relationship problem that may stem from an individual problem if he is bipolar. You both need to be willing to work on it - and if he isn't, your relationship will remain in trouble.

Like some of the other posters have said - you really can't force someone into a therapist's office. One would hope he would see the impact of his behavior on you (and possibly others) as a sign to explore what's happening. Mental health disorders in general can be really hard on relationships - especially if they aren't getting treated ie depression, anxiety, bipolar. The partner experiencing the symptoms of the disorder can feel like they're on a rollercoaster ride.

Try communicating with him in a way that's dissarming using "I feel" statements such as "I'm feeling really hurt right now by your moodiness." If he takes a hard line stance with you, like - "this is your problem" you might want to consider what's best for you in the big picture. Good luck!