Anxiety, Depression and RelationshipsMarriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging.
My emotional insecurities are growing and making him nuts. I have a therapist I see on a regular basis but what do I do in between sessions when I feel insecure, depressed, jealous, and mistrusting? He has never given me a reason to mistrust him. I am usually the one in other relationships that seeks to have my emotional void filled by someone else if my spouse isn’t doing it. I don’t want to do anything wrong, hurt him, etc. I just can’t get passed my own horrible inner feelings that haunt me constantly. Is he doing something wrong? Talking to someone? What is he doing on the computer? It’s killing me, my nerves are shot and I am an emotional wreck. When I briefly get over these feelings for a week or so we are so close together….but then the feelings come back when he is busy or distracted and I begin wondering again, questioning everything and then it pushes him away. I am driving both of us crazy.
I am tired of feeling down and so totally insecure about who I am, if he loves me, is he searching for something else. My growing insecurities are ruining our relationship and if I don’t get a handle on myself, my feelings, insecurities, and soon, we are never going to make it.
I am sorry to hear that. I too have the very same issues and I did drive my husband away. Please work on yourself before it is too late. Maybe you need a different type of therapy. I am going to be starting a therapy called EMDR. I don't know if it works but right now I will try anything to change!
What does that mean? EMDR? How did you drive him away? My husband's tolerance and patience for me is dwindling. I make things worse on myself bc I start believing something MUST be going on when really there is no evidence. He is tired of not being trusted. But he loves me and says there isn't anyone else he would put up with this from besides me. I feel like I am falling apart mentally and emotionally. How did I get like this? I guess in reality I know why I am so mixed up but I don't know how to be different...how to stop hurting inside and believe and have faith and trust. Its so painful.
I am sorry he left. Are you sure that is why he left?
The insidious thing about what you are experiencing is that constantly dwelling and questioning a partner about their commitment out of fear of losing them - will ultimately make the thing you fear, come true.
Have you tried turning those thoughts more inward? Or turning them around? Instead of questioning him, turn the question on yourself. What should you be doing to focus on your best self, instead of wondering if you can hang on to your partner.
Yes, I do this daily...constantly. I am my own worst enemy he says....I am trying to not obsess and focus on my own issues and trying to stop getting so caught up in his...I am trying to realize he has things he likes...even if they drive me crazy when he does them...like facebook....but I am an over jealous person. I can tell he loves me...I have to focus on that more and not the negatives and maybe that will be the ticket. Thanks.
My emotional insecurities are growing and making him nuts. I have a therapist I see on a regular basis but what do I do in between sessions when I feel insecure, depressed, jealous, and mistrusting? He has never given me a reason to mistrust him. I am usually the one in other relationships that seeks to have my emotional void filled by someone else if my spouse isn’t doing it. I don’t want to do anything wrong, hurt him, etc. I just can’t get passed my own horrible inner feelings that haunt me constantly. Is he doing something wrong? Talking to someone? What is he doing on the computer? It’s killing me, my nerves are shot and I am an emotional wreck. When I briefly get over these feelings for a week or so we are so close together….but then the feelings come back when he is busy or distracted and I begin wondering again, questioning everything and then it pushes him away. I am driving both of us crazy.
I am tired of feeling down and so totally insecure about who I am, if he loves me, is he searching for something else. My growing insecurities are ruining our relationship and if I don’t get a handle on myself, my feelings, insecurities, and soon, we are never going to make it.
Please help! What has worked for anyone else?
So tell me this, how does your husband treat you? What does he do to make you feel special, loved, and especially what does he do to make you feel that to him you are sexually attractive?
Know this, sexual attraction and emotional connection are intertwined between the man and the woman in a relationship, there is not one without the other.
You ask what has worked for anyone else.
I will tell you what the one thing is that does work, and that is for the good man to not neglect his responsibility to let his woman know she is desired, loved, and secure in the relationship.
This is most likely a relationship issue, that your man is probably neglecting his responsibility to show you how he feels with you.
Stop beating yourself up over this as if there is something wrong with you, you are reacting perfectly normal in this situation, and doing what it is you should be doing, which is giving your man the "wake up call".
Instead, be very clear, not angry but serious, in communications to your man that this issue, how you are feeling insecure, but instead do not word it as there is something YOU need, instead word it as something the RELATIONSHIP is needing.
This is putting the focus not on making you feel bad about yourself as if you were "broken", but instead to put yourself and your man as partners to repair together the relationship.
Thank you! He is open minded most of the time...but he knows I have needy and emotional issues sometimes that take me over. That is where the problems are.
PC yes, I have...been on the prozac, etc. and have been off a year...but have an appt with a doc in March to possibly go back on. I hate living in a cloud and feeling like a zombie to deal with life but sometimes I feel like I am dying when my insides are in such knots and I am so insecure and paranoid. He loves me....I just need more than he can handle sometimes. He says I am never fulfilled....
I hate that somehow I got so broken and don't know how to be normal again.
You should try different meds. I changed mine from Paxil 2 years ago and I feel so much better. On the Paxil I was in a numb like daze.
I agree with Deejo completely. I was constantly questioning and accusing and I felt like I was always sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the other shoe to drop. It drove my H insane. He stopped even trying to make me feel secure. He was so tired of it. He still mentions to this day that I never trusted him so why would I even want him back. One of the best things you can remember is: Be the type of spouse you would want to come home too. Would you want to come home from working late or wherever and have your spouse be all angry and pissy at you for no reason other than their imagination running wild? I know I wouldn't. I would want to come home to someone who was happy to see me and greet me in a loving way. Then I would enjoy coming home. Try to remember that each day.
The very thing I feared has become my reality and it sucks.
Look up EMDR Therapy. It has to do with helping to stop triggers in your brain. Like the jealousy thing or insecurity. For me I am also hoping it will stop me from getting too angry when we argue.
I know I have anger issues too and I am taking measures for that as well....I let the smallest things get to me though and a lot of times deal with them badly.
I realized today that he instigates my insecurities. I never thought about it before..but I think even though he doesn't like me being needy and insecure he toys with my emotions and makes them worse. It gives him power if I am weak.
He says things like he doesn't want to do something w/o me...but then turns around in the same conversation and says he doesn't want to but he basically wants to be able to if he sets his mind to it if I am unavailable. First he starts off with: I thought we could ride our motorcycles on Saturday.....oh you have to work...well maybe I will go by my self. Then says...he is kidding.....
So if I knew something in his emotions or in him is broken, I would never play with that emotion...I would always try to reinforce the way I feel so he doesn't feel like that. So he wants me to feel like that even more and expect its ok if he is "just kidding"?
Does anyone think that is really not an emotion to play with? Or am I crazy?
If he feels like he can't win, what's the difference? If he is bitter, and has lost his will to make a heavy emotional investment in the relationship, because he doesn't know what he can count on from you, the two of you are in a difficult situation.
Your connection becomes far more about who is feeding into who's negative energy instead of actually both working to build something positive.
I can tell you first hand, trying to emotionally carry a spouse struggling with issues sucks the life out of you, and then when they fall into the routine of challenging your commitment - it's like a double whammy. It kills any desire to save the relationship.
Hope this doesn't become the case with the two of you.
My horrible insecurities, please help!
