Question on Insecurity

java · 01-15-2010, 05:16 PM

I realized today that my H instigates my insecurities. I never thought about it before..but I think even though he doesn't like me being needy and insecure he toys with my emotions and makes them worse. It gives him power if I am weak.

He says things like he doesn't want to do something w/o me...but then turns around in the same conversation and says he doesn't want to but he basically wants to be able to if he sets his mind to it if I am unavailable.

First he starts off with: I thought we could do blah blah blah on Saturday.....oh you have to work...well maybe I will go by my self. Then says...he is kidding.....and he knows I am instantly feeling insecure that he is leaving me.

So if I knew something in his emotions or in him is broken, I would never play with that emotion...I would always try to reinforce the way I feel so he doesn't feel like that. So he wants me to feel like that even more and expect its ok if he is "just kidding"?

Does anyone think that is really not an emotion to play with? Or am I crazy?

Alexandra · 01-15-2010, 05:31 PM

Does he usually think aloud? Is this possibly just his way of trying to deal with your insecurities, figure them out or make sense of them so to speak? Not a healthy way, mind you.

Is he trying to do the tough love thing? Like waiting for your reaction when he says it? If you shrug and say sure, go ahead, maybe he will feel like he helped you deal with it. Again, sort of warped. But I would try to examine his motivations first.

java · 01-15-2010, 06:47 PM

He doesn't think out loud. Sometimes he takes forever to even respond and other times there is no response at all. Sometimes I even get..."you didn't ask a question, why do I need to respond?"...yeah...don't get me started on that.

Sometimes he does totally buck me to take his stand and tell me its my issue and I need to fix it...not him and he shouldn't have to live under my thumb.

But honestly, it donned on me today that he does that stuff to me all the time...and he knows how insecure I am he constantly throws it in my face. So why would he say things to make me feel insecure in a joking way?

I plan on asking him when the time is right and I feel like we can talk. We have our days where talking isn't a good thing it only causes more problems...and today is one of those days.

thanks Alexandra. I don't know... he will say that I can't take a joke...but really? It's not funny to make me more insecure when I am dripping in it.