Re: now what
Hi Shane,
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. After being together for many years, it's fairly common for one or both spouses to question their feelings for one another. It sounds as though you are both working on your problems together, and that's great you are both still getting along. It's probably better to hold off on sex until things settle a bit with her as I'm sure your recent changes, buying flowers, etc. (which sound great by the way) and her confused feelings towards you already have her head spinning. I think the best course going forward is to have some long talks on what has been making her unhappy in the relationship and really listen to what she is saying and respond so she knows you hear it. For example, if she says 'I just don't feel you love me because it seems like the only time you touch me is when we have sex' You could say 'I'm sorry. Thinking back I can see why you feel that way. I definitely don't feel that way and now that you brought this up, I will make sure I don't get into that bad pattern again because I never want you to feel unloved especially by me.' Find out what she wants, what she feels is missing and talk it all through. The most difficult thing is that when you suddenly make changes, she will probably question whether you are just scrambling to get her back or if you have really changed for the long haul, so be consistent...flowers can get expensive but it's more of sticking with it (a sweet card or hand-written note will work just as well) Hang in there.
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