NewlywedGirl

I really don't know what to do....

I'm not going into much detail about how we got into our economic situation....My husband and I have been married almost 8 months now. Before the economy went into a major decline, he had a good, steady job. I had just graduated college when we got engaged and since jobs were hard to find, I took a part time job at a boutique where we live. I am still working at the low paying boutique, and he is unfortunately not working as much. I am still looking for a better job and so is he, but it is REALLY hard right now. I know he has major stress because he and I are not able to live the lifestyle we used it live, and we don't know where the next house payment, etc. will be coming from. Thankfully, we are not in debt or anything extreme like that. We go to church and pray a lot, and I can't imagine how much worse off we'd be if we didn't.

However, I just get really depressed sometimes and feel like I'm drowning in this stress. Lately, I have been freaking out a little, crying, and start to analyze our marriage more than I want to. He deals with the stress completely different than I do--he holds it in, and tries to work things out in his head to stay positive...he's so much stronger than I am I feel like, sometimes. He gets so angry with me because he says when I get stressed it brings him way down to where he can't function for the day. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm scared as hell and when I'm scared, I tent to overly stress out. At the same time, I feel like our marriage has been put in the backburner because of all of the stress that is consuming our lives.

We were suppose to take a day trip to a big city a few hours away, and I was so excited about it because we would be able to "get away from our money problems" for just a little bit. However, the closer it got to the day trip, I felt he wasn't too pumped about it. When I said maybe we shouldn't go he finally agreed because we don't have the money to do it. Which, in turn caused me to stress out because I felt our marriage REALLY needed this. It makes me feel like we're falling apart. I know I should appreciate the little things (cooking dinner, walking by the water, etc), but I feel like his mind is more focused on the money than our marriage sometimes.

Do I need to get therapy? Am I crazy? I feel like this is killing me inside.

lovetta1

Your story reminds me when I first became married in 2005. Not only was I struggling with my finances, I was struggling with our relationship itself and then we had a child within the first year that brought on additional stress. I thought I was going to lose all self control until I got back in church a year later. Every since then I had a thirst for the word of God to see my through. 4 1/2 years later, God revealed to me that my struggle was a test of my faith. In the process, God gave me vision to share my story and I would love to introduce to you my new book. "Coping...as a Newlywed". www.xlibris.com/Coping...asaNewlywed .html
This book is designed to encourage, motivate you during the newlywed stage and it's also MY testimony shared with the world. I truly have a passion in this area and all you have to do is to stay deeply rooted in the word. Keep looking for a job every day, trust God in the process and I guarantee he will come through for you sooner than you think. For what you are going through is TEMPORARY. Keep the faith and don't doubt what God can do. He can do the impossible and he will show up really soon. Be Blessed!

jc32

80%+ of all of your stress and fighting will be caused by money. That never really changes. As you've noticed, he deals with stress differently than you, but I think it's more than that. As a husband who's been in a similar situation, I can guess that every time you show any signs of stress, he feels personally responsible. He knows that he isn't providing the same lifestyle he used to, and that is causing him to feel guilty. Deep down be believes that all of your unhappiness is his fault because he's failed to give you what you need, and he lashes out at you to try to ease his own feelings of inadequacy. I think you should talk to him, let him know that you completely trust and believe in him, and don't blame him at all for your financial situation. My wife has had that talk with me more than once over the last 8 years, and it did a world of good for our marriage. My stress was lessened, and I was able to pay more attention to her feelings, which relieved a lot of her stress.