Mr.Unsure

Hello,
I'm new here, this is my first post. I have been married for about 4 years now and over the past 7 months or so the level of intimacy has gone down to almost nothing. We have a 5 year old and after he was born the sex had dropped off a bit but that wasn't really a problem. But this is different, its like she (my wife) just has no desire, no drive if you will to do anything. Now i will point out that she is a little older than me, I'm 28 and she is 31. So when i ask her why she doesn't want to do anything she says i don't know. Now that's frustrating after like the 10th time you hear it. So with no GOOD explanation I say something like "so what are you doing someone else ?" ( i apologize for my terminology) and she says " NO ! WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?" Well because you don't want me and you can't give me any kind of an explanation so what am i supposed to think ? After so long of not being "together" your mind starts to mess with you for a lack of a better term. So my mind starts to take the best of me and i start snooping around her email and her cell phone and i find some calls to a "MC" no name just that. And i look at the call history and she calls this number like 5 times a day. when i pull up the phone bill i can see that the calls are only like 1 to 3 minutes long, the longest being 6. Now i know there are privacy issues here with me but that's besides the point here. So i called the number to see what i could find out and i get some guys work voicemail and his name does match the MC in her phone. Now i haven't asked her about yet because I'm afraid to admit my snooping but i think i have good reason to.

What should I think/do in the situation ?????

I'm sorry for the length of the post..

Mr.Unsure

shane33

Ok man becareful here because if she finds out out you snooping around things will get ugly fast. She is probably withdrawing from you because of something that is going on with you not likely an affair that is just a guy thing your mind is running wild and free putting crazy **** in your head stop it right now before you do something you will regret.Look sit down with her one on one and talk to her heart to heart find out what is going on. From what it sounds like you guys might be having a communication problem.So i say get spontanious with her take her out on a date i mean a real date. Make a real effort to make her feel like she is the only one in the world and have some fun you half to stop this downward spiral in your relationship now or i promise you....... you will regret it good luck man

Mr.Unsure

Thanks Shane, i know that my mind is getting the better of me right now. I need to stop it. Thanks for the reply.

Delphi

Before I got to the part about the phone calls my impression was that your wife was seriously depressed. I don't know if she is having an affair but even if she is there must be something wrong to make her look outside the marriage for comfort.

Why not take her out to dinner, tell her you are worried about her and your relationship. Tell her how much you care for her and suggest you both get counseling?

If she's not interested then perhaps MC is the issue afterall.

Green-Moo

Don't leap to conclusions about MC, but I have to say that I found your wife's rather strong reaction to your suggestion that she might be playing away a little strange.

Amplexor

Mr. Unsure

Your story sound remarkably familiar to my own so I will be blunt. It is highly likely that your wife is involved in an emotional affair. She may be looking for some kind of support and comfort she feels she is not getting from you. As posted above depression is a possibility. My advice to you is to talk with her and show her the phone bill. Since it is listed on your phone bill it is not like your are snooping. And if she was really trying to hide something from you she could have just as easily purchased a track phone with cash. When you discuss this with her keep a calm head. More than likely she will deny any relationship and you must try hard to understand her feelings and what your intuition tells you. My wife stated it was only a friendship and only until several months later did she fully realize she was in love with him. There was never any direct contact between them so this was not a physical affair but none the less it severely damaged the marriage. On the positive note finding out about it was certainly a warning shot across my bow so we have been working on our marriage ever since. Nearly a year now.

Keep your wits about you and calmly discuss this. Then both of you will need to take a hard look at the marriage and see where you both need to improve. Sitting, wondering and stewing about it won’t do any good. There is an issue here and you both deserve to know where you sit in all of this. Again, keep your cool, consider her feelings and be ready for what could be a very difficult time in your marriage. Also an opportunity. Good luck.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

carmaenforcer

Hi Mr.Unsure, the number going to some guys work voice mail is not good at all. You had good enough reason to snoop the finding something only validates that fact, so I say confront her A.S.A.P. Before things with that guy get any deeper than they already are, who knows you may even avoid having her cheat if you address the lie and whatever issues she wants to blame for it.

Don't believe that anything you could have done warrants her being shady and creeping behind your back.

Unless you are ok with her lying to you or you just don't want to deal with the drama right now.

Be prepared because like all liars when they are cornered, she will overreact and pitch a fit, but just stay calm stay on topic and don't let her run away from it without getting it all out.

Do a little further investigating if you want to be more sure of this guys connection with your lady.

Find out what kind of business he's in, get the address to the number you called.

Depending on what the business is you can then find a way to bring it up in conversation with your Wife. Be creative, there is always a way to casually bring up a subject.

There are also a lot of ways you can track your Wifes movements with GPS either with her cell phone or by installing one on her car, both are cheap and easy to do. There is also software to tap her cell phone, lets you have access to all calls made or received, texts and even e-mails, depending on the type of phone. Simply Google Spy gear.

You could just straight up just come out and ask your Wife, "Honey, who's MC?" (but use the whole name) and just gage her reaction, not her response.

Mr.Unsure

Thanks guys for the input. I'm still not sure what approach to use yet. But letting it go too long is not an option. Thanks again.