can someone give me some advice please.......

confused20 · 07-07-2008, 08:20 AM

i am new to this so i didnt know where i should talk about this. ok here is the thing. when i was only 13 i liked this guy that is 10 years older than me. well my parents would not go for that so i didnt even try to date him. then a couple years later i started dating my husband, we have been married for seven years now. me and my husband started having some problems a couple years ago. he is a great guy but i just dont know if my love for him is as strong as it once was. i also see alot of his dad and grandfather in him. which is not to good because they are not very loving to their wifes. what i mean by this is when their wifes cook they dont appreciate it, they put it down. and they also put them down alot about everything they do. they look at the bad in their wifes and hardly ever the good. i never see them hug, kiss or even hold hands. they are always grumpy. now my husband can be caring but he is more like them all the time. i dont want to grow old with someone who will not appreciate me and the things i do for them and be in a bad mood all the time. i have talked to my husband about this and he said he will not be like them but he doesnt see what he does and dont want to open his eyes to it.

well the first of last year the guy that i liked when i was 13 kinda came back in the picture. this is after i started having marriage problems. we did get into contact with one another but not physical just talking on the phone. he was someone good to talk to. i had no one else to really talk to about my problems. well i decided that it was best for me not to talk to him anymore because i felt it was unfair to my husband, and i did tell my husband about it.

ever since i talked to the guy i have really strong feelings for him. but i dont want to leave my husband at the same time. i dont want to hurt my husband. if i was to go then it would upset A LOT of people. but i am not %100 happy with everything. we do have a little girl and that is another thing that keeps me with my husband because i dont know what i would do if i did not see her everyday.

i guess i have went on and on but i dont know what i need to do. i have prayed to the Lord and i feel he was leading me were i needed to go but at the same time it didnt feel right. so i dont know what to do. can someone please help me out.

swedish · 07-07-2008, 01:10 PM

I think ending contact with the other man was a great first step, as continuing to use him for support would only further cloud your thinking. It doesn't sound as if your husband understands how bad you've been feeling. I know you have tried talking to him and he responds that he doesn't see a problem, but I think before doing anything drastic (like leaving) you should be more direct with him that you are having thoughts of leaving and why. The best approach would be not to put him on the defensive, but to talk about how you are feeling and what you hoped married life would be like and what would make you feel fulfilled within the marriage. Give him a fair chance to step up to the plate.

draconis · 07-10-2008, 11:25 PM

I think very few people can say their spouce is 100% of everything. I love my wife and our marriage but I can say that she isn't good at helping around the house. Oh well, I do most of it and I am fine with it.

As for this other guy. It doesn't matter if you slept with him or not you have had an emotional affair. It takes away energy that should go into the marriage. What is worse beside is that you put yourself in a situation where you might cheat.

Lose the guy and cut all ties to him. Put an honest effort into your marriage. Open up communication with your husband.

draconis

Nickii · 07-16-2008, 06:59 AM

Yeah I think you did the right thing by cutting off contact with the other guy. It is okay to have male friends while your married however I think the fact that you have noticed issues in your marriage is enough of a reason to stay away from this person till you work out where you are with your marriage and with yourself.

It is often the case when we start to feel a hole or something is missing or everything is not right, we often look for something or someone to make us feel better.

However in most cases it just makes it worse.

If your husband is a caring person like you say then sit down with him and talk about your needs and fears and then come up with solutions for each of them.

More open and honest communication may also stop a lot of the concerns you have.