psychocandy

Anyone else get this?

I've noticed that when my wife is in a bad mood it makes me in a bad mood. When shes in a good mood, I'm in a good mood.

Its sort of as if I worry that its my fault if my wife is in a bad mood.

Anyone else get this? I realise its not right to be like this - any tips?

StrongEnough

I may be wrong here, but I think that is a sign of codependency.

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To be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.

psychocandy

Heard of that. Thought that was more to do with when the other person was addicted to something...

voivod

you are correct..the codependency terminology was developed around alcohol abuse...careful with accepting the label...google "codependency movement is killing marriage" an take heed.

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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7

mommy22

Isn't it hard to be in a good mood around anyone who is in a bad mood? It's tough to be chipper when someone else in your household is aggravated or down in the dumps. It just sounds like you're human to me. My son puts me in a bad mood when he's in a bad mood. It's sorta like the saying goes "One bad apple spoils the bunch".

Here's another saying that makes me laugh (although there may be some truth to it): "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

(I know, the grammar bugs me too.)

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--M22

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.

subwife

I can feel the same sometimes too. Not always, but there are days.................

stepmomandwife08

Been there,done that...I don't think its a bad thing...

voivod

anxiety due to feeling the need to please your spouse is, as it was presented to me, a self esteem problem. i know that isn't the whole answer, but maybe it will help your focus...check out "ten days to self esteem" by burns.

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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7

psychocandy

Aye. Got a few self-esteem books. Not got the Burns one but do have his other famous book !!!

venussky

I completely understand a person's mood reflecting their partner's mood. My husband is under a lot of pressure lately due to a failing economy.... difficulty in making our mortgage, etc. and so he is always (it seems) in a horrible mood. Unfortunately, being one's spouse, puts you in the "safe zone" of people to be yourself around. This often makes me the target and I am often emotionally and mentally abused. Once his mood has changed mine from happy or neutral to then upset, hurt or angry, H just can't understand why I am suddenly upset. I am then every name in the book for snapping at him or being upset. I wonder if there is a way to show him that his mood helps create the mood in which I am in? When I point out to him that his behavior has made me act out in the way that I have, he curses and storms off. I'm thisclose to leaving him to his own sorry self...... hehe. Any suggestions from men on how to solve this? I know that he probably feels justified in being mean and angry all the time...but you shouldn't take it out on the one you "love".

jennifer22009

i even can be not in a good mood when my husband isnt he in a good mood , and i dont like him to be in a bad mood at all !!
when he is happy i am happy !

Goodsport

Wow. Does this describe me, psychocandy. People can treat me like crap or whatever, but if my husband treats me badly, I go into depression. My mood is totally dependent on his. I'm 37 years old. I don't think if my issue is self esteem that any book or any quick fix guide will help me. I think I'm pretty much screwed. So other than trying some book that can't help me, there's nothing I can do apparently.

Loving Husband

It's normal for this to happen.. As you are supposed to be one with your partner. Her or his accomplisments and failures are yours as well.. You feel them cause you are connected with them.. It's not a bad thing per say but if it continues bad then it could be.. As that could lead to depression..

dobo

There's a difference between empathy and codependence though.

They say codependence is when you take someone else's temperature to figure out how you feel.

DameEdna

This happens to us too.....

So what can we do about it?