Anxiety, Depression and RelationshipsMarriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging.
My husband just got fired from his 5th job in as many years. We have 2 young children and he has not worked for half of their lives. He does not take responsibility for any of the job losses and says it was always the company screwing him over. He has spent almost $75,000 in credit cards and won't show me what he spent the money on, but tells me it was nothing. He says he has a hard time sharing this information with me. His parents have been giving us money to pay bills, but they will not encourage him to look at the real picture. I think he's depressed and I'm sad to say very lazy. He does not help out around the house and basically sits around all of the time. I can't imagine that he's a "worker" when he does have a job. Right now he's blaming his bad luck on the economy, but still won't look at his role in getting fired every time. He will be 42 in a couple of months and I don't think he will ever get it. I need help. I just completed my doctorate and I am always praised for my work ethic. I was in school full time with both pregnancies and now my children are 4 and 2. I hate that my kids see his work ethic. I want him to get help for depression, but he says he's fine. What should I do? Someone please help.
wow he keeps getting fired and you have a doctorate. that is interesting. Has he always been like this? what attracted you to him in the first place?
i think if he's always been like this, then he's not going to change unless something drastic happens. Especially if he has his parents to support him in his lifestyle. I mean, what incentive does he have to change? its been working out for him so far.
it's so strange...i find it hard to remember what attracted me to him in the first place. I guess he made me laugh. We had fun together. But, when things got serious, I am so afraid that he showed his true colors. To know him, he is a nice and likeable man. I think that is why he gets hired, but then the boss sees his poor work and ethic and he's fired. I cannot really fire him because we have two kids together. If we didn't-it would be a no brainer and I would have been gone 3 jobs ago. He seems so pathetic and lost, but I really need to be able to rely on and respect my husband. I can't and I don't. He says things like-"don't worry-it's all going to be fine, I know it". I want to punch him in the face when he says it.
He says things like-"don't worry-it's all going to be fine, I know it". I want to punch him in the face when he says it.
ya, i know what you mean. well, i think you'll just have to show him its not going to be just fine. of course he thinks everything is ok. he has no worries. he can get fired/hired, have mommy and daddy tell him its ok, and then live off you.
im the vengeful type so id probably make his life a living hell, especially with that attitude. I would probably take him off my bank account, close his credit cards, and give him a small allowance. but i dont know if that's the best approach. he'll just end up hating you. like a kid, i guess.
have you told him how this is affecting you, and that you are seriously considering if you can be with someoen like him?
I probably yell that at him when I can get myself to actually speak to him. He knows that at this point, I cannot stand him, but I'm not willing to risk my children's happiness. I know that you shouldn't stay together for the children, but I also know that so many of us do just that. Thank you for responding. It's always nice to have feelings validated
He knows that at this point, I cannot stand him, but I'm not willing to risk my children's happiness.
well im young, so maybe i dont know much, but i think this is a really admirable quality. I dont have any kids, and i dont really know the effects of divorce on kids, but i hear its pretty brutal.
but certainly if you're going to stay in the relationship you'll want to do something about your temper and resentment. i dont know if its possible to be at peace in that sort of situation, but if you dont try, you'll end up becoming someone you dont like very much.
I know you want to do what's best for your kids - but divorce isn't necessarily that traumitizing unless you and your husband make it that way. It's MORE traumitizing for them to see you so unhappy, ridiculing him all the time, completely dissaproving of who he is - and HIM of course, being lazy, not being reliable whatsoever - the whole dynamic you have going on isn't healthy for children. Divorce can be a blessing in disguise. It's not really about "Do you WANT to divorce him?" but more about "Do you have the COURAGE to divorce him?" Any psychiatrist will tell you that he won't change - and if you're this unhappy 10 years in, it won't get any better unless something drastic happens. Maybe you should try a separation to see if he gets his life on track with his family on the line. If not, I think someone as intelligent and hard-working as you deserves someone who works just has hard for the family. Just remember that "marriage" isn't always what is best for children. Happiness is!
my husband won't man up
