sunrise17

I've been married for 3 years, and my husband and I don't have any kids yet.

These past few months have been absolutely terrible. Mostly because of his depression and anxiety. He gets worried about money VERY easily, and we've had a horrible time with a bill for a recent surgery. He has prescriptions for ALL these anti-depressants like Lorazapam, Zoloft, Trazodone, etc... that doctors have legitimatley given him. I think he has been "abusing" them lately, taking "extra" or taking them when he really doesn't need them. Then he gets all loopy and weird. I HATE drugs.

He's also been completely lazy. He refuses to help me clean, he shows up to work late every day, he just sits around and plays video games all the time, he never wants to work out, and he has no desire to eat healthy.

I have a full time job, I go to school part time, and I run my own graphic design business. I don't have time to take care of him. Yet he continues to to NOTHING all the time. When he finally comes out of his drug induced coma, he's semi-normal again until we talk about money or jobs etc...

I seriously don't understand how he could possibly be depressed. Sure, we are getting screwed by the hospital...but he just got accepted into post-grad school, we aren't financially strapped (yet), he DOES hate his job...

I just don't get it. I've felt depressed feelings before for a week or so....then I get over it and realize how great my life is. But he NEVER gets out of it, and I am afraid these drugs are just making it worse.

I just want my husband back! I don't know what is wrong with him, but I don't know what to do. I can't go to counseling because I am afraid he'll think the doctor is "taking my side" or something and just pass it off as something stupid.

I don't know what to do - he just wants to quit life....and basically commit suicide (he had a gun to his head...half serious.)

justean

my H took citalopram for depression.
i tell you these and your H medication are totally lethal as you say when taken to much and increasing when no need.

with my H , he was emotionless, lost the will to live and like a zombie. amongst other side effects.
i'd say the majority of your H actions and emotions are because of the meds. they are not necessarily to do with you as a person or wife.
although others stresses are contributary factors .

after a couple of months and my H drug kicking in. he realised he was and i saw he was improving.
but like any medication, once your improvement sets in to see things clearer. as he continued the medication his attitude to life and this zombie feeling were noticed more and yet his internal aggression was improving.
my H noticed he needed to step back from the tabs as i had also suggested.
hes been of them quite some time and his aggression hasnt really come back. he wanted to get better himself.
the prob you have is the medication and his intolerance to take it properly as prescribed, which has a huge effect.
also my suggestion , check out the paper slips that come with the medication. most of the effects are true to form and no doubt your H will suffer from these.

Ms.Anonymous

Getting a second opinion would be wise. From your comment it seems he maybe suffering from more than just depression.
As far as be "loopy"...certain medications will make him feel a bit foggy/flat at first. If he's still "loopy"/feeling foggy/flat after 3-4 months, his doctor needs to be informed. I totally feel and get your frustration/resentment. My husband is Bipolar and Narcissistic. Like your husband, my husband never helps with housework, the upkeep of our yard, or caring for the pets. He works from 8-3 (desk job), gets home and heads straight to "his" den. When he's having a "good day", I'll see him at dinner. On (his) "bad days", I'll see him every 20 mins. or so, for a few mins., depending on the amount of verbal abuse he wants to throw my way. So yes, it is very frustrating having to help someone who doesn't help you in anyway, and seems to not want to help himself. He's your Husband. For better or for worse. LOL...I heard that! I have a really hard time trying to explain things on-line. Only you know when you've had your ~enough~. And until that time comes you have to do whatever you can to get yourself (and your husband) through this. I refuse to let my husbands illness, anger, verbal abuse, and laziness get the best of me. When he was first diagnosed (we were married for just 10 months), 8 yrs. ago, I told him I'd help him as best as I could, but I wasn't going to give up my life to help him get a grip on his. That job was his, and his alone. I did agree to help him find the right doctor. And I'd help him with his medications. He'd get really "loopy" on some of his medications when he first started taking them. I knew he couldn't keep track of when and what meds. he needed to take in that state. So, until he got used to being on them and which pill needed to be taken and when, I made a chart and made sure he took his meds.. I did this for about 3 months. Then I gave him HIS chart and HIS medications. Today, I continue to do all the things I enjoy doing. I do what I have to do, if he likes it or not. Believe me....he's tried every trick in the book to keep me from doing the things that make me happy. If he could have his way, I'd be at his side 24/7....jus' in case he needed me for something. You know....to press the buttons on the remote, get him a Coke from the frig., make him a lil snack, and wipe his mouth when he was done. Not this wife. Hell no. Today, he knows better. He can (and does) call me every name in the book. I will NEVER give him ME. So girl....be strong, help your husband till he is able to help himself, never lose YOU, be proud to be the woman you are, remember to pray, and do what makes you SMILE. keep in touch