AvianRed

My DH and I have been married for 2 years and for the past year it feels like we haven’t been moving forward. My life is good, I am able to go to school as a full time student and stay home with our 2 year old but I have an emotional blank where the passion I felt for my husband was. I care for him very much and I do love him but it feels like something is missing now.

Shortly after our 1 year anniversary, we found out I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage. We both took it pretty hard and my family made it a lot worse on our relationship. It had gotten so bad that he wanted to get a divorce so my family would leave me alone. I refused and he joined the military so that we could leave. At the time, we decided it was a good idea because I was still really hurt by the miscarriage/divorce situation and I wanted some time to myself.

While he was gone for basic training and AIT stuff, I began seeing a counselor and began taking antidepressants for what they labeled “miscarriage grief”. By the time I moved across the country I had stopped taking the meds and had found a new counselor.

We’ve been living together again for the last 5 months and I still occasionally see my counselor. There are days that I wake up and ask myself if this is really it? I feel emotionally attached to my husband but I feel very little passion anymore.

I honestly have no idea if it is because of the depression from the events of our past year or if I just don’t feel the same way I had before this all happened. I have had bouts of depression before but they never lasted this long and I’ve never needed outside help. I could change my situation and I felt good again.

I’ve thought about trying marriage counseling but I don’t know if it would really do any good. It seems to be a one-sided problem in our relationship. My husband is still happy and has pretty much adjusted to me being the way I am currently—I don’t like it, I feel no need to be intimate with him and I know it really bothers him. My interest in sex since the miscarriage has been really low and he has really been wonderful in dealing with my issues.

Sorry this is a bit winded but I did condense it a bit. I don’t really have a specific question. I guess I’m just wondering what someone else would do in this situation?

Blanca

Well i can only tell you what i do in my situation. If i think there are things i should be doing, but i feel too depressed to do them, then i try to do them anyway.

Maybe you feel disconnected from your H because you never shared how you felt about the miscarriage with him? So this big emotional part of your life is separate from him. that would cause you to feel pretty lonely, especially after moving away from your family. have you talked to him about it at all?

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AvianRed

I still do things that I need to do. I have been getting back into my hobbies for the last 6 months or so and even started trying new ones. There are days it takes more effort than others but I try to keep myself motivated.

We have talked about the miscarriage and how it affected both of us. He has said he understands that it is a deeper and more painful loss for me than it was for him. The only issue we have is that he would like 1 more child and I don't want to try again. Over the past year I have thought about it and part of me is willing to try again and the other part doesn't want to. He is supportive of my feelings on this issue and doesn't bring it up or push to get his way.

We lived in another state before the miscarriage and had only been living near my family for 6-8 months when the miscarriage occurred. I generally tend to prefer living away from my family because of how many conflicts get started that I'd rather avoid.