francois

Hello, My name is debbie and I am from Philippines. I was in google searching for a site that I think that can help me and I found this. I am new in this site, and I am new in marriage life also. Me and my husband will have our 1st year anniversary this June 4,2009.. and I am having a bit problems of my own and on us. I tried opening this to him already, but instead of making an effort to fix it, he does nothing, and still acting the same.

For almost few months he is acting so cold.. he's not acting so sweet at all anymore. and the dreams I had for our marriage life seems not to be happening.

I may need you to give me some advice with my problems and the things that keeps running in my head every now and then, even when we are together. & I really do hope all your advice and answers may help me with it, and I can reflect with it too.

#1 Problem ----- my husband doesnt seem to miss me when we are not together, like if he is in his hometown making some money to send to me and pay for our bills. he never express his feelings thoroughly i guess and it makes me less secure that he really loves me as much i do to him, and makes me so afraid of loosing him cause he really acts like he doesnt really care with how i feel and how i am doing. (he may not doing it in purpose but his actions really makes me feel this way, and im afraid i might loose him because he care less and love me less)

#2 Problem ----- i miss him cuddling me... or touching me. He touches me, we make love, but its because I ask him for it. Not because he intended to do it. I am in the level where I wanna try more and be more adventurist in bed, but how can I if he is always tired for it and always not up for it.

#3 Problem ------ he blame me for everything,,, like if one of our decision fails, he blame me for it. not all the time though, but some times..

#4 Problem ----- we just got back from my hometown, as we decided to live here to avoid his ex girlfriends on ruining our life as they always speak negative against me and us. and his family doesnt like me that much, so to avoid these people we decided to relocate and live in my hometown. yet in my hometown we do not have a stable source of income, so he always travel from my hometown to his so he can work there and went home back to us again with some money and after few days go back in his hometown again and do the same thing over and over. So right now we are planning to go back to his hometown , open a business and live there. We are actually confuse on what to do, and what to decide. Here in my hometown we do not fight as much as we do when we are in his hometown. Yet we can not support our family's needs here, where in back to his hometown we can. In this case, we are tired and confused on what to do and what to decide that no matter what happens, our decision is firm.

Please help, we are both inlove to each other, but he just miss to make me feel being cared and being love as much as i make him felt that i do to him. What should I do to make him do the things he used to do to me before? What should I do to feel the sweetness and I can have the care and love he used to give me before? OR Is it just me that needs to stop or improve something?

I am really afraid that one day I wake up knowing he is with another girl because of my attitude bragging about whats happening and why he care less and doesnt even get jealous on me..

Help, please..

francois

Help...

swedish

The first year of marriage can be a difficult adjustment, financially and otherwise. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, him being away to earn a living and you feeling insecure.

I do think you are right that if you keep bringing up you feel you love him more than he loves you to him and/or friends, it will push him away. He may just be stressed with his work, going back and forth, etc.

I do think you should both agree on a plan and go from there. I'm sure there will be bumps along the way (sounds like some drama if you move to his home town) but the key for you will to stick with him as a team, do your best to stay close to him and not to let outside influences create negative feelings within your marriage.

I'm not sure what you've been doing while he's working out of town, but it may help if you settle in one place, to be involved with work or other things so you are getting fulfillment from other areas of life as well.