Anxiety, Depression and RelationshipsMarriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging.
My husband announced we were over and he was moving out. He doesn't know when. Since the announcement he has been polite but cold to me and ultra nice and loving to the kids.
He will give me a hug when he comes in at night, but otherwise we do nothing positive together. We used to talk for hours together, every day for years. Now we just sit in the same room at night for a few minutes not talking (god what an awful silence) and then he announces he's tired and goes to bed.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can think. I try and pull myself out of it every time I feel it descending upon me. If I don't think about our relationship during the day, it seems to come out in my dreams at night and I wake up at 3am with horrible nightmares.
Yesterday was the first day in a week I could really work and think. I thought I was over this depression/anxiety. Seems not as today all I can think about is the fact that he will never love me again, we will never fulfill all those dreams we promised each other, our children will grow up divided between us, etc.
I have never had these type of attacks, despite a really hard life.
Now I find myself having trouble breathing, thinking, moving. I find myself in tears and wanting to go to bed all day and curl into a ball.
I feel like I won't be able to start healing till he moves out, and I can't afford to make any waves and force him to move out out. I feel stuck and hopeless.
I want to talk to him about it, but not sure if that would help or not. the last thing i want to do is give him more ammo to hurt me with.
How do I get out of these attacks? How do I stop the depression?
Snix I'm so sorry you are going through this.. depression and anxiety suck! I suffer from both.
My panic attacks used to hit me and I would be unable to breath or move for up to 20 minutes. The pain and terror are unbelievable, and I feel for anyone who suffers from them.
Honestly the best things to help depression and anxiety are therapy and possibly antidepressents and/or anti anxiety medications. I suffered for 7 years with the attacks and depression. I only started feeling better once my therapy and AD's really started to benefit me.
I don't see any good reason to talk to your H about this. I would make an appointment with your family doctor and talk to them about this. They can get you on some AD's right away and point you into the direction of a therapist. There isn't anything your H can do to help you, and really with the way he's been acting he might trigger it and make it worse. You need to take care of you, with or without his help.
Let me know what you decide to do. My heart is breaking just thinking that you are dealing with this. Take care of yourself girl!
I agree--see your family doctor today; tell them it is urgent. It takes about a week (5 days in my case) and even up to 3 weeks for some to kick in fully. The anxiety can seem WORSE for some of this time--but it is SO worth it to get the relief. I had anxiety and panic attacks for YEARS and about 9 years ago started on one of the new SSRI drugs and have had fab results. My sibs and mom have the same issue, with great SSRI results, too. The doctor can give you some anti-anxiety meds to help while the Anti-depressant is building up in your bloodstream, also, so you can get better sleep and relief perhaps right away.
Another thing: try to think about this change differently. It is NOT the end of the world; it is a new stage of life. You will be ok and you will find happiness and joy again. Your marriage is not time wasted or lost; you grew and learned during it and you will continue to grow and learn. If you have kids, you will be thankful for the marriage for having given you your children, but you will find a time comes when you are GLAD the marriage ended and you realize you are happier for NOT being married to him anymore. Have faith-this time will come. I have honestly never met anyone of my age (50) or near my age, or younger, who has not come to this conclusion, no matter what they thought at first. So, deep breath, reframe the event in your head, refuse to indulge "catastrophic thinking," (just say "stop" in your head when those thoughts intrude, as many times as it takes, while diving into a mentally distracting task), and you will start to feel better. Good luck.
Thanks... Unfortunately I don't have a family doctor and no health insurance. So meds and doctor appointments are a luxury I can't afford right now.
I had one doc that I saw last year that gave me something for my BP - the stress has it in the 170/109 range (eek) I've got about one month left of BP meds, then i'm not sure what i'm going to do. There aren't even any free health clinics in my town anymore.
Plus I worry that being on 'mental health' meds will give my STBX ammo to use against me if we do get divorced.
So i'm looking for ways of dealing with my stress / depression on my own. Thanks for the advice, I'll try and use the 'stop' method and see if that works.
and then go into therapy to deal with the anxiety attacks.
Meds with counseling have a good success rate.
if you have no insurance you can call around, most doctors charge under 100 dollars for a vist like that
and you can get generic meds. therapy can be found
through most state run agencies on a sliding scale.
It takes some work to get well.... its not going to happen
without you and doing what you have to.. to get well
or at least get yourself and your emotional health under control.
Preso, I called around last week, and nobody could see me until july and they all charged over 200 a visit plus they wanted lab tests etc and told me to expect to pay over 500 the first visit. Most of them wouldn't even take me if I had no insurance.
As for therapy, i haven't found anyone that charges under 95 / visit. So much for that.
You'd think living a town with this many hospitals we would have better choices.
I had bad anxiety when I am caught in a new situation that I can't seem to undo myself. One thing that does help me is to drown myself in a new project, like cleaning house. Another thing that helps is to stop my vicious cycle thinking, by singing a silly song outloud. You can also imagine a funny image in your head, just anything to make you smile or laugh or break the negative thought pattern. Too much obseesive thinking only makes matters seem worse.
Thanks sensitive... This is all new territory for me because all my live (43 years) I've managed to just work harder and throw myself into work when I was mad, depressed or what have you.
My situation is extremely difficult not to become upset and depressed (I work in our bedroom for heaven's sake) but I keep telling myself if I can get thru this, I can get thru anything
The days are better because he's not here. Thank goodness he works outside the home now. It's much easier not to become depressed when he's not here ignoring me, know what i mean?
I like the songs idea. I was using that, listening to songs two nights ago, but he came in and made fun of me (caught me dancing and listening to my ipod - i had thought he was already asleep it took me by surprise) so it kind of took the joy out of it for me.
i think exercise really helps. after a good run there's really no energy left for freaking out. and ive been thinking about getting a punching bag. i just dont know where id put it.
Well, I was in the same situation and found out that a glass of wine would take the edge off. I could not afford a doc or meds either, so I would have a glass of wine when I'd start getting panic stricken when dealing with my "issue". Am not an alcoholic and don't suggest you drink if you think it will make it worse....
Also, try NOT to stay in the house alone too much, do you have anyone to talk to, get out and about with, etc?
He is going to use your anxiety against you, you know. Don't worry if he made fun of you with the ipod/dancing. If it works for YOU it is no longer HIS business.
There are psychiatrists in my city that charge according to a pay scale and what you can afford.. perhaps that is an option?
As far as your ex using it against you.. he may.. but if he does, and you are getting help for the issues (ie seeing a doctor or on proper medications) any judge or other professional is going to see that you are fixing, or at least trying to fix, the situation. DO NOT sit back and just wonder what you are going to do! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, because if you don't take care of you, then that is ammo for him to use against you.
I say damn all costs and see a doctor now, even with out insurance you don't have to pay the bill all at once, you can make payments that you can afford until you have insurance.
Hello Snix,
I too suffer from anxiety attacks, depression, pstd, and numerous other disorders, so I do feel for you hun. I know that some states,cities.counties do offer free to sliding scale help. It will just take some research on your part and lots of questions. Take care of you... remember to breathe.... and continue to sing along with your ipod and grab the mop or broom and have a great dance It is you and your way of coping at the moment and what do we have anyway? Just this moment we can not change the past nor can we know exactly how tomorrow will be.... all we can do is live within this moment..... that is what I am working on....and I do know how difficult it can be. I can only say what I know and what I have been through and some of the things that I have used to help me to cope. I do feel you do need to get some medical help especially with the B/P problems.
Blessings and luck with everything hun
He was soooooo nice to me yesterday. No, I don't think it's any change or anything like that, it was just unusual enough to get me wondering what he was up to. He complimented me on all sorts of things, telling me how much he appreciated my taking care of the money and bills and such. He rubbed my neck and shoulders - all sorts of things he doesn't usually do. I didn't mention it, just said thank you and let it go at that.
He's been changing screens every time I go by his PC, so he's up to something there. I am at the point where I don't really care, but don't see the point in him hiding it from me either. He's already dumped me, why hide things? Doesn't make any sense to me.
He was up at 4am, saying his prostate hurt. I suspect he was looking at porn or something. He says he hasn't come since the last time we had sex (over a month ago) so I suspect that might be part of his pain. I don't know why he wouldn't, but he makes no sense to me these days.
Anyway, whatever. So far so good today, I'm going to try and stay manic and busy and see what happens. Oh, and I got a Dr. Appt for my BP meds. it's 80.00, and I don't think i'll be able to get any 'happy pills' but at least i can keep the BP in check. Now to figure out how i'm going to pay for it... sigh
Anxiety and depression are two separate problems although anxiety can boil over into depression.
Most likely these things are not being caused by what's going on in your life but what goes on in your life will amplify them.
You were probably born with a susceptibility to anxiety and/or depression. This makes you more sensitive to life's up's and downs.
Changing what is happening in your life may ease the problem but it won't get rid of it. The best way to deal with it is with medications.
For long term, constant anxiety (generalized anxiety disorder) or depression lasting more than a week or two, SSRI antidepressant medication will stop the symptoms.
For anxiety attacks that are random and often set off by life experiences, the Benzodiazepine class of drugs works wonders. You take them only when needed.
You don't have to suffer the debilitating effects of dysregulated brain chemistry, See your doctor.
Anxiety attacks - how to stop them?
Re: Anxiety attacks - how to stop them?
