Wife text a guy...way too much

betapaul · 02-19-2008, 12:30 PM

My wife text her best "guy friend" all of the time. I'm not talking about 30 or 40 a day. I've counted up to 400 in one day before. She says its just friend talk and that he is a good Christian guy and it's innocent, yet when I ask to see the texts she refuses and says I dont trust her. I WISH she would talk to me that much, but I dont get as much attention as he does. I've never met the guy and they never physically hang out. Is this ok for her to do this? Am I just being paranoid?

sarahdale24 · 02-19-2008, 12:36 PM

Did you know this "guy friend" was in her life BEFORE you got married? Have you told her that you wish she talked to you more? Maybe try and do things that spice up the marriage? Trust is important in the marriage, so you might have to buck up and trust her, but don't toss the suspicion out of window, just don't allow it to consume your life.

betapaul · 02-19-2008, 12:42 PM

I had heard his name a few times, but they never talked or texted this much in the past. I have yet to even MEET the guy yet she says that he is her best friend? Shouldn't I have met him if they are such good "friends"? I wouldn't have a problem trusting her, but honestly...400 messages a day? What could they be talking about? She doesn't send me that many in a week. I just find it odd that she keeps her phone on her like it's an appendage and will not allow me to touch it. We've only been married for 5 months and she's 15 weeks pregnant with my child. She just makes me feel like I'm not important to her.

sarahdale24 · 02-19-2008, 12:52 PM

Here is a suggestion...

Plan a dinner at your home, tell your wife you would like to invite her "BFF" off for dinner and maybe drinks(for you two, not your wife since she is preg.) See what she says. If she is "iffy" about it, or seems fishy, then I would suspect something.

Ever heard the expression "kill them with kindness" do just that... be SUPER nice to her, ask about her day, etc(even if she doesn't respond) try this for about a week. Have a clear and open mind, non-judgemental and put forth all YOU can. If she doesn't give, then I'd look into counceling, and if she detests, then seperating is an option, just stay close so you aren't branded a "bad father" for leaving your child...

Amplexor · 02-19-2008, 01:04 PM

Betapaul

Having been on the wrong end of an emotional affair this behavior seems suspicious. I would carefully gather information from your wife. What is the relationship, why so much communication, does she have feelings for him? These are all legitimate questions a husband should be able to ask his wife when she is spending too much time or energy with another party. Be gentle and caring but let her know you are concerned and want to understand. Just out of curiosity is your beta reference to Oxford Ohio? If so good luck brother Paul

Liza · 02-21-2008, 05:03 AM

Speaking from a wife's perspective, your wife may not be getting enough "valuable" emotional support from you. We women normally respond well to people to support us emotionally.

draconis · 02-21-2008, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by betapaul

My wife text her best "guy friend" all of the time. I'm not talking about 30 or 40 a day. I've counted up to 400 in one day before. She says its just friend talk and that he is a good Christian guy and it's innocent, yet when I ask to see the texts she refuses and says I dont trust her. I WISH she would talk to me that much, but I dont get as much attention as he does. I've never met the guy and they never physically hang out. Is this ok for her to do this? Am I just being paranoid?

When your wife puts more into a relationship outside of you or her children then it is an emotional affair. The fact she has to hide it says there is something wrong.

draconis

Green-Moo · 02-26-2008, 10:33 PM

FOUR HUNDRED texts each day??!!! How does she find the time?!

Your wife sounds like she has a text addiction to me, regardless of whether she is acting inappropriately with this guy.

In a new marriage & pregnant, I expect she's looking for emotional support. For some reason she's chosen to get it from this guy. You need to work out why.

BrokenFrag · 03-28-2008, 10:44 AM

I understand that it has been a month since the last post was done in this thread, but I definitely think there is an emotional affair going on. If more communication is going on with someone other than you, that is a problem. If she is hiding it, then it is a real problem. My wife went from sending 10 texts in one YEAR to over 1200 in one month. Quite obviously, I thought something was fishy, and I was right. She has been having an affair for a couple months now.

You have a right to know what is going on, especially since it is a problem for you. If everything is on the up and up, she should have no problem easing your concerns.

llake31 · 03-29-2008, 01:54 PM

Taken by experience, if there is something going on, and I would bet on it. texting won't be enough. They will meet up sometime for more one on one. You do have the right to know what is going on.

GAsoccerman · 04-01-2008, 11:40 PM

too weird, I mean I ahve plenty of female friends, but they all met my wife, they all know my wife, they had drinks with us, they went to our wedding.

I always believed, any of my wife's friends are friends of mine automatically, even if I do not like them, I am civil to them at all times.

If you need to hide a friendship then there is probably more to it.

odchoi · 04-02-2008, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green-Moo

FOUR HUNDRED texts each day??!!! How does she find the time?!

Your wife sounds like she has a text addiction to me, regardless of whether she is acting inappropriately with this guy.

In a new marriage & pregnant, I expect she's looking for emotional support. For some reason she's chosen to get it from this guy. You need to work out why.

That is what I've been thinking too. Maybe you should meditate a little and reflect about what you were doing and telling your wife for the last couple of months. It seems that she is having some kind of hurt feelings towards you or something.