Getting Your Guy Ready for Valentine’s Day - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 02-12-2007, 08:28 AM Thread Starter
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Getting Your Guy Ready for Valentine’s Day

I know some woman may be upset with this idea, but for the most part Valentine’s Day is a woman’s holiday. Woman for better or worse, are more sensitive to this day. You rarely hear a guy saying “I can’t wait for my flowers?. or getting angry or upset because “she? forgot “that special day. Some woman unknowingly use Valentine’s Day as a test, they think “What he does or doesn’t do will show how much he loves me??

So here are 4 steps to getting your guy ready for the big day.

1. Realize that his definition of love and caring may be different from yours. In the end he has the ability to be there for you but he needs help, here’s how to help him:

2. Start the process by focusing on what a good guy he is, and can be, attitude is very important. When you do the other steps it is important that is from a positive attitude.

3. Gently remind him. “Honey I really like it when, you get me a card?
It’s O.K. to remind him. You may think: “If he loves me he would do it on his own?. For the most part men’s brains don’t work that way. If there is an emergency or crisis men are far more likely to respond. This comes from how men’s brains are organized and years of history of the care and feeding of the American male.

4. Let him know what you would like. “I really would like it you would bring me some flowers.? Make it clear and easy for him to do. The easier things are to do the more he is likely to it. Gals if you have to remind him it does mean he doesn’t love you; he’s just being a guy. Remember that if he really doesn’t want to do something he won’t. How long has it taken for him to clean out the garage or get rid of that 10 year old suit.




What to do if he doesn’t come through

Don’t invest everything in one day. Yes it is important, but
whenever we make something “do or die? we put a great deal of pressure on our relationship. Remember, getting angry at him will not motivate him.

If he does forget or disappoint you, which he might, it’s O.k. to mention it to him, but not in an angry way (even if you are angry) but more from a disappointed hurt place, men are much less defensive if they don’t have to respond to anger. Anger makes them feels attacked and that generates distance, counter attack or both.

Danger Signs
If Valentines Day becomes “a deal breaker? there’s a lot more going on than a holiday gone bad, take it as a wake up call and the next step is dealing with the distance, anger and hurt. (That’s a subject for another article)
Happy endings
But take heart (forgive the Valentine’s Day pun) most men are good guys and want to do the right thing for their “brides?; they just need a little help from their friends.

Good luck & happy Valentine’s Day
Dr. Marty
34 years bringing people together
drmarty@bellatlantic.net
www.YourMarriageCounselor.com

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 02-15-2007, 05:59 PM
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I think Valentine's day is a "no win" situation for a lot of guys.

I did fine this year because I'm married, it's pretty much clear that what I do should say "I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you." That's part of what my marriage means.

But I feel sorry for the guys out there who aren't clear about their relationships, like if you just started dating someone. What's too much to do for Valentine's Day? What's not enough to do?

That's not something many people communicate about in a new relationship. And then what happens? Feelings get hurt, and us guys don't have a clue.

I was in the flower shop yesterday trying to pick out flowers, and I was faced with the dilemna... which flowers do I buy? How many? We're actually trying to watch our spending, so will she get upset if I spend too much on them?

It can get confusing sometimes....

Chris

Chris Hartwell, MSW

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