Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals - Talk About Marriage
Articles Written by professional counselors and therapists.

User Tag List

  • 2 Post By CrucialHabits
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-18-2011, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 5
Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals

In today's society, we're constantly reminded of the importance of learning to balance life and work. Most of us grew up believing that true success included a high-powered and high-paying career, a wonderful and loving relationship, perfect, adorable children, a big beautiful house, expensive possessions, spiritual enlightenment, and utter and complete happiness.

How many of us live this life? How many of us even come close? Unfortunately, all that hype set us up for a big fall. This life is a fantasy. It's impossible to "balance" all of these things at the same time. For most people, simply balancing their home life with their job is very difficult. This is why the notion of "balancing" is rather unhealthy.

In order to literally balance life and work, one would have to be equally important to the other, and equal time would be given to both. Does this sound realistic? Fulfilling? For most people, the answer is no. We invest our hearts and souls in our relationships...few jobs are that important.

Throwing Off the Balance

For most truly happy people, the balance between their home life and their job is not a balance at all. It is a series of choices, with priority given to those things they feel are the most important.

To begin making this change, we need to evaluate what's truly important to us. This is different for every person. Perhaps you want to make your relationship the best it can be while being the best parent you can be. Maybe you want to climb the ladder of success at your job while raising your children well. Or you might want to focus on succeeding at work while connecting to your Higher Power.

Whatever your decision might be, if you're honest with yourself, you'll probably pare down your mountain of "wants" to a very small number of "needs."

These needs are what you need to focus on in order to live a happily unbalanced life. If you value your children and your relationship, then you'll be happy if they're happy, no matter what your work situation. This is true in every different instance. If the important things are well taken care of, the rest of your life suddenly seems to fall into place.

A Surprising Peace

Once you've made these decisions, and put them into action, you'll probably notice that you feel more at peace than you have in years. After all, the important things are just that: important. Everything else comes later.

This way of thinking is beneficial to everybody involved. Your partner will be thrilled once he sees you devoting more time to couples activities, instead of driving yourself crazy over minor work details. Your children will be so happy to have their parents an active part of their lives, instead of just somebody who hands them their lunch before rushing off to work in the morning.

These changes might be hard at first, but as soon as you see the great results in your life, you'll understand why trying to literally balance life and work is simply not sensible!
CrucialHabits is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2011, 05:39 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 91
Re: Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals

I love this article! This has been my struggle for the last 3 years. My career is a not a 9-5 type of job and yet brings in the best income. I've always said - I am trying to 'balance' things but it is not working. Though my children are teenagers, I feel they need me just as much, not less. Even family dinners have been very hard to maintain on a consistent basis. I've had so much stress over this. Being in my 40's is not easy to just switch careers, especially in today's economic climate. But I am looking to do just that and willing to cut my income in half in order to have more quality/structured family time. That really isn't easy either, dealing with financial stress which I know all too well. But it is something I am convinced I absolutely HAVE to do for my family. Especially since my son has been acting out. I am part blame for that.
CoffeeTime is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2011, 07:00 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 5
Re: Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals

The fact that your even thinking about these things, means your way ahead of the game. From your response, you sound very resilient and focused on what's most important for you and your family. I think that alone will take you a long way. Here is a more in-depth article I wrote about balancing work and life (actually how to unbalance your life) How to Balance Life and Work for Professionals Who Want It All | Crucial Habits
CrucialHabits is offline  
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2011, 10:16 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 91
Re: Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals

I've read that article twice, slowly absorbing. It is going to be helpful for me in restructuring some things. I really appreciate the encouragement you gave in your response, so needed and thanks!
CoffeeTime is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-03-2011, 08:41 AM
Homemaker_Numero_Uno's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4,038
Re: Living a Happily Unbalanced Life for Professionals

I was really surprised at what happened when I started following my intuition as well as my core personal beliefs and desires for decision making. I chose what felt right to me instead of what might be defensible (especially in case of failure). Life events helped me out a bit in playing my hand, with the demise of mathematical skills and also H who was confused and emotionally dishonest. Somehow I went within one year from doing contract consulting work with an organization recognized as tops in my field and a nice house in the country with a home having a scholarship and housing allowance for comparative literature and living in a small artsy apartment within walking distance of my classes and kids' school. I also have been working at an independent film theater. My marriage is a lot better than it was even when we were just married, thanks in part to this site but also from paying attention to how things feel rather than words or justifications or pure logic. A couple years ago if you had told me what my life would look like now I would have said you were nuts, that this kind of life was a dream. Especially the part where my H is going to take dance lessons, haha. I have a messy life but at the end of the day I don't feel the need to explain it to anyone and if people ask I just say I am doing what feels right and that the people in my family are on board with that. I think for a woman in particular this is difficult to do. I see professional women who struggle to take care of their children and even stepchildren and to find time for their basic needs including sleep and to help their H's with their businesses while their H's find time to play hockey or do other personal stuff that makes them happy. I am not saying the H is wrong, I am saying he is onto something, the woman sometimes does not get to do what she would like to because she puts it last, fear of judgement, fear of confrontation, fear of failure...I am sure these all factor in. I think the basic foundation for resistance to positive change is having lost the sense of adventure in life, the need for superficial security, i.e. fear and lack of self-confidence. I am not sure how this can be gained without any experiential learning and real, honest-to-goodness risk-taking.
I do know that the pay-off is enormous because once you start making decisions in a different way thinking about stuff is easier, life is more of a flow instead of a have-to list, intuitive rather than struggling.
Homemaker_Numero_Uno is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Time for professionals? DeepPurple Physical & Mental Health Issues 17 08-11-2012 01:46 AM
Happily married but living apart sonoranangel General Relationship Discussion 0 04-14-2012 10:34 PM
Living my life like it's golden hesnothappy Going Through Divorce or Separation 0 06-14-2011 09:43 AM
Moving on with my life - happily ThinkTooMuch General Relationship Discussion 1 11-29-2010 12:15 PM
unbalanced life qwertyu Relationships and Spirituality 1 05-17-2010 08:15 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome