Grandma issues - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Articles Written by professional counselors and therapists.

User Tag List

 31Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:40 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,025
Re: Grandma issues

People don't FEEL entitled to be paid back for gas. They ARE entitled to it. Maybe you didn't mean it the way I read it - it sounds like you don't think people are entitled to be paid back for gas. Like the OP.


People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
cj48060's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 27
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
How far is not very far.

How old are you and your boyfriend?

How old is your daughter.

She wants to charge you for gas because she has to spend money on gas and auto wear & tear when she drives to and from school. She's absolutely correct to ask you and boyfriend to cover the cost. You should be giving her at least $.54 per mile to cover gas and wear & tear on her vehicle.

Why do you think that you should not cover her expenses for taking care of your child?

I am 29 and he 30 and oir daughter is 5. And i never said i shouldn't cover her gas was just asking for advice.


Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
cj48060 is offline  
post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
cj48060's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 27
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
This sense on entitlement you have - why do you have it? If someone is doing you a favor you should be OFFERING to pay them for gas. NOT b!tching when they tell you that you have to pay it.

Lemme guess - you're one of these MILLENIALS.
I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
cj48060 is offline  
 
post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:49 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,471
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by cj48060 View Post
I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
Can you please give some examples of things you have asked her permission for in regard to your child?
Posted via Mobile Device

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:49 PM
Member
 
frusdil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,941
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by cj48060 View Post
I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
If my MIL said that to me, she wouldn't be collecting my child from school anymore.
frusdil is offline  
post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:52 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,471
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
If my MIL said that to me, she wouldn't be collecting my child from school anymore.
Because you would not be financially dependent on her.

When you pay your own way, OP, you are free.
Posted via Mobile Device

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:57 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
cj48060's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 27
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Can you please give some examples of things you have asked her permission for in regard to your child?
Posted via Mobile Device
Almost i said. And one time we were going to have her stay at another relatives. Well of course she didnt like that and said what was on her mind. Which she is entitled to her opinion by all means but of course she swayed my bf decision on it. He is a major mommas boy. Just if were at her house and my daughter acts up like hitting another child and the child doing it back i finally took the toy away which was the problem. So my child throws a fit and my bf comes into the room and asks what happened. Than his mom says oh just give it back. And so he does. Its a control thing. I dont think she ready to let her son free so she does these things to get us arguing

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
cj48060 is offline  
post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 01:53 PM
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 13,944
Re: Grandma issues

I only read a few posts..

Personally I think you should be offering well before she felt the need to ask.. that's just "good will".. no one wants to feel taken advantage of..

She is doing you a favor that she is not required to do.. family or no...she is a blessing.. reward her for her care, her personal time, her gas... it's good for all involved...
SimplyAmorous is offline  
post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 04:10 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,025
Re: Grandma issues

So the real issue isn't anything to do with gas money.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 06:13 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,701
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
You know, this is one of my huge pet peeves. Sure, if you're the grandparent, babysit for free if you want to. But for the parents to EXPECT it is what really gets me. NO ONE should EXPECT a grandparent to do ANYthing for free just because they're a grandparent. I don't care HOW rich they are. The expectation of this is becoming rampant. I am far more likely to pay for something or do it for free if my daughter ASKS me and OFFERS TO PAY than if she just EXPECTS it.
My mom baby sat my son while I was at work for the first few years of his life. I paid her the going rate for in-home child care. It only seemed fair to me since I was tying up her time this way.


Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is online now  
post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 06:17 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,701
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by cj48060 View Post
I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.
What is false about the statement that you gave birth to her, you have to raise her? Could you clarify that?

ETA: Maybe I misunderstood that sentence. Did your bf's mother means that she is the one who is raising your daughter?

How many hours a week is your daughter under the care of your bf's mother?

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by EleGirl; 10-14-2016 at 06:22 PM.
EleGirl is online now  
post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
cj48060's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 27
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
What is false about the statement that you gave birth to her, you have to raise her? Could you clarify that?

ETA: Maybe I misunderstood that sentence. Did your bf's mother means that she is the one who is raising your daughter?

How many hours a week is your daughter under the care of your bf's mother?


She told me once that yeah I gave birth to her but my daughter is hers she's the one raising her. And she maybe has her 14 working hours.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
cj48060 is offline  
post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 01:14 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,701
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by cj48060 View Post
She told me once that yeah I gave birth to her but my daughter is hers she's the one raising her. And she maybe has her 14 working hours.
14 hours a week? or 14 hours a day?

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is online now  
post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 01:19 AM
Member
 
Wolfman1968's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 548
Re: Grandma issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Manchester View Post
If Grandma is tight for cash then it's understandable.

If she's got a comfortable nest egg and she's just being a tight wad when it comes to providing for her grandchildren, it's just sad.

Either way the problems are hers.

Don't make them yours
.
Uh, actually, the problem is that the OP needs childcare. Everything else flows from that.

That problem is the OP's.

Don't make it grandma's.
Wolfman1968 is offline  
post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 06:36 PM
Member
 
brooklynAnn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 1,369
Pay Grandma whatever she is asking to pickup your kid. I am sure it will be a small amount compared to what you have to pay for babysitting and a pickup service. Do you know what babysitting cost? Count yourself lucky and pay the lady.

Grandparents baby sitting is a privilege not a right.
brooklynAnn is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Too many issues and resentment TxBBRN Considering Divorce or Separation 7 07-05-2016 10:22 PM
Issues between my wife and my parents SDK8489 General Relationship Discussion 24 05-31-2016 12:49 AM
Do you tell your spouse non-marital issues you are grappling with? thread the needle General Relationship Discussion 16 01-05-2016 11:58 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome