I would only
marry a Version of Me if
the man was emotionally compatible (including Romance & affection)...also in my values/ dreams/ desires for a family ...and in the sexual...
If not... I'll be the 1st to admit, I would NOT be a JOY to live with....But if He was ....I'd treat him like a KING...I go out of my way to Please my man.
I feel because me & mine dated for a whole 7 yrs before we tied the knot
...we KNEW each other like the back of our hands... he knew all of my flaws/ quirks, my deepest fears, my biggest dreams.... I KNEW his...we had our share of conflicts in those years to know how we deal >> to not let the sun go down on our anger...
Both had a willing Transparency, we were each others best friends....Communication was our best asset... As strange as it may be to say.....I feel my husband is the same man today as he was when I met him 31 yrs ago....except he has more confidence, he makes a lot more money..he's older, he's a proud Dad...looking back.. it all flowed very nicely...it just all went too fast !!
I said to him about a year ago.. in all seriousness.. "I can't even think of a time you have let me down?" ... he immediately said ..."Yes I did" ...& reminded me of the day he was late picking me up from High school & I got grounded by my step Mother, he felt horrible over that
... I was shocked...I didn't even remember it...But he carried that.
The part about "YOU COMPLETE ME
I'd say both of us was lacking in self esteem when we met (for very different reasons)... I came from a Broken home with a mean step Mother who didn't want me around, I wanted out of that house.... I had some anger issues to work out.....HE was the shy bashful guy...sucked at sports, no better with women....had big glasses... but a Romantic... One could say I was like the "Damsel in Distress" and he was my "White Knight".....pretty cute without those glasses
... and I hated sports anyway...
I, too, was a born Romantic.. so we were the perfect FIT... I needed him...and he was nuts about me....as we got to know each other, our connection just grew..and grew.....
I will always feel his walking into my life was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me... it was HE who showed me how to love again....and to love myself...This songs sums up my
.... Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion (Lyrics) - YouTube
.. we were just GOOD for each other...he seemed to fulfill something in me... and I seemed to fulfill something in him....I have often said ....we "complete" each other ! I never looked at this as a bad thing... just saying.
: “Instead of trying to find the right person, wouldn’t it be better if we were trying to be the right person.” Light bulb!
Instead of spending our time looking for someone “worth” marrying, what if we focused our energy on being the type of person we wanted ourselves to be in a relationship? If we were all intent on being the right person, the fate of our marriage would likely be less dependent upon the ability of our partner to maintain our view of them.
We might instead have the room to grow and learn within the best versions of ourselves. If we’re not expected to be a filler of holes, the mender of wounds, or the better half who can’t possibly ever really do any of those things, we can instead show up and be what we are: a loving and supportive spouse intent on loving and supporting our spouse.
Of course I agree with all of this.. .we both helped each other grow as better people...we encouraged each other...... I look at our marriage as "INTERDEPENDENT"
...which is the healthy dependence ...we are responsible for our own weight...we help & aid each other...
In our early years, I strapped the tool belt around my waist & helped him do roofs, put in transmissions, built playsets, a chimney, lay cement, dig ditches...we were a team in many ways... When he has a bad day... I soothe him, when I need to rant or air a problem, he listens..he give me his time & attention. We validate each other. Validating your Spouse
Increasing Intimacy in Marriage Interdependence Imagine for a moment that you and your spouse are standing with the palms of your hands together and leaning against each other with all of your weight. Together, you look like an upside-down "V." If one of you becomes tired and stops leaning, the other topples over. Similarly, a spouse who depends completely on the other person runs the risk of exhausting the partner and causing him or her to back away. Without the other spouse's support, the dependent spouse would crumble to the ground. Now imagine that you and your spouse are standing up straight and holding hands. You lean in a little, but only enough that you support a portion of one another's weight. If one or the other or you moves, you won't fall. You're responsible for most of your own weight, but you're still connected to your spouse and lean in for extra support from time to time.
As this analogy shows, over-dependence in marriage can lead spouses to become tired and resentful of carrying the burden for the other's happiness. Over-dependence creates feelings of powerlessness and weakness because your happiness is in someone else's hands. Complete independence is also unhealthy because it causes spouses to feel unneeded and lonely. Interdependence is a balance between over-dependence and independence. In an interdependent marriage, spouses feel needed without being overburdened. They feel a sense of freedom and power, understanding that their happiness is in their control and not in the hands of another person.
SarahSchmermund said : So what about you? Do you strive to be the best partner you can be in your relationship, or do you often find yourself keeping score of all the ways your partner isn’t?
I can't say I have ever done "score keeping"...If something was beginning to rise in me.. I've always been quick to open the communication...and he was always a superb listener, never one to blame shift, forgiving, understanding....Also these things are highly important to me as well in my dealings with others, most especially my husband.
Now...had I married a cold Aloof man , a workaholic, an alcoholic pushing me aside...I don't feel I would have handled these things well at all -just being honest... it takes 2 to smooth the ride..it helps tremendously when a GIVER marries a GIVER... I used to be more of a TAKER in our early years...the scales were not balanced... but today I'd say they are... I've woken up...realizing just how blessed I have always been....reading many stories on this site was a major eye opener.... I think my husband is one in a million.