It does sound like depression to me. I've been there. Only now I've realized what it was -- it is a fog. I became almost nonexistent to my w, and my family (with exception of my son). How old is your H? Could be depression and mid life stuff as well.
Just remember you can't make him or anyone else happy only yourself. That is what he has to figure out -- that he makes himself happy.
__________________
Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.
I believe my w felt that way about me. She couldn't live in limbo either - for I was so withdrawn that I couldn't even talk to her about anything. See I didn't even realize it -- at least he does.
We are now seperated and moving towards divorce -- her choice. This did wake me up, and now that I have myself under control again and rebuilding myself I have remorse for the pain I caused her. To her -- too little, too late.
But that is life. I have to own the responsibility of my failures to comfort her emotionally and physically.
__________________
Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.
We talked last night for quite awhile and not much has changed. He still wants me to be patient and give him the time he needs.
I talked to him about maybe our marriage is not the only problem in his life right now and he did agree with me. I suggested that he go and talk to a counsellor about what is happening but he thinks that would not help. He does not believe in counselling.
He works at a job where the owner is always there and he belittles him and makes him feel worthless. The owner is just a really really nasty person. I think this has taken it's tole on my H. I think he needs to deal with that issue also. It is just compounding what is happening with us. I just hate for us to lose everything we could have over some ***hole. Don't get me wrong we do have our issues to work out but I just don't want this is contribute to his leaving.
I have decided to see a counsellor for myself. I have realized things about myself through this mess that I don't like so I want to work on them. One way or the other I want to be a better person, and better mother. If our marriage does not work out at least I will not repeat the same mistakes and I will be much healthier.
Good luck and be patient which I know is hard because it feels like you are doing nothing but maybe the counselor will help the both of you and maybe get a better perspective on all the issues.
A little understanding.......
Wait till you get all the facts before any decisions are made, look at it as an opportunity to get help and figure out what might help.
I am going to counselling but H is not. I hope he can figure this out on his own. He says he is just numb and wants to be neutral when he makes his decision. Not sad or not happy. Not sure how that is going to work.
I am going to be paitent as this is a huge decision and I want him to make the best one.
I have been in a very similar situation and from the way you describe your H it sounds just like mine 7 months ago.
And yes he was diagnosed with severe depression. He had real issues with self esteem and was very unhappy at work too, as well as telling me he wanted a divorce with no discussion at all.
H is still here. Is getting help, but is still in his own little world. I can't deny I find it crippling at times, but at least I know it was not all down to me.
Unfortunately my H is not willing to get help yet. He has self esteem problems and does not think he is an attractive guy. This has only happened in the last 3 or 4 years and I think it has just taken it's tole on him.
I am just not sure how to act around him. It is hard to know that he may not want to be with me anymore. Can't just carrying on like everything is okay.
In order for my H to get help, I actually went to our family doc myself and talked to him. he actually told me to tell my H that if he wouldn't go and see doc then doc would come to the house.
I also got info and emailed it to him to read and eventually he finally admitted that it was like reading about himself as he was displaying all the symptoms. That did the trick.
It has been so hard when H acts like I am a complete stranger to him. I certainly don't feel like his wife. I cant tell you it gets better quickly either. My H has been seeing a psychologist for 4 months now and things are a bit better and he says he wants to be here, but who knows.
Well not much has changed I am still waiting for H to make up his mind whether he wants to stay or leave.
His parents are leaving for Florida at the end of Feb. so we have decided that he can stay here until then and he will go and stay at there house while they are gone.
So I have another month of this limbo. It is getting really hard. He is still living here but he is not really here. We barely even talk and don't interact with each other, he is downstairs and I am either doing something or in the bedroom watching TV. I don't know if I can do this for another month.
I have a question to ask everyone who is going through this or has gone through this. How do you deal with having sex. We have had sex a couple of times now and I try to turn my feelings off for him but I just can't and I can't help put think if he wants to have sex with me it must mean he still wants to be with me. Last time we had sex he tried something new on me and it was fantastic he never done that before and I really enjoyed it. That really bothered me because why would he do that to me. I want to have sex with my H and he wants to have it with me. I can not turn off my feelings for him and just have sex to me it would mean something. I don't want to make things any harder on myself by having sex with him and it not meaning anything to him. Should I have sex with him or tell him no. Please help.
Well H moved out into his own apartment on Jan. 31/10. He said it wasn't fair for me if he stayed for the month of Feb. because he still did not know if he wanted to be with me or not and of course I want to be with him. It has been 4 days and I have talked to him briefly twice on the phone. I did find out from my daughter that he calls her everyday around 3:00pm and has been text messaging her in the evening asking how we are and saying he is worried about us. I am so angry at him right now. I feel like he deserted his family all for his own selfish reasons instead of staying and trying to work this out. I love him very much but I am so angry and hurt at what he did. He told me back in the summer that he s unhappy but I thought we were working at things. I would ask him if things were okay and he would say stop asking because as long as he doesn't say anything then things are going good. Then over the holidays he said he it still unhappy and needs to move out to see if he still wants to be with me or not.
I don't want to contact him but it is killing me not being able to see him or really talk to him. I had a work dinner function last night so he came over and had supper with the kids my daughter said he arrived at about 4:45 and left around 6:00. WTF doesn't he want to spend time with his kids.
The times I did talk to him he sounded like he was fine that everything was great. I asked how he was and he said okay.
I just don't agree with what he is doing to the kids or me.
We agreed not to see other people while he is figuring out whether he wants to be with me or not. I have not found any evidence that he is seeing anyone else. We talked before he left and he said he is not interested in seeing anyone else. Maybe I am being a fool but I am sure he is not seeing anyone else and was not seeing anyone else before he moved out.
If you say so. Just want to point out that, as soon as one becomes involved in an affair, the very FIRST thing they do is to start lying, and they do it so well that their spouse usually never has a clue.
Will you at least check the phone records for the last 6 months to see what numbers have been called?
Re: My husband wants time
Re: My husband wants time
