My Husband talked bad about me today.
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Old 01-07-2010, 01:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My Husband talked bad about me today.

My husband and I have been together for 25 years and we do argue alot but do love each other.....he is controlling and can be mean. Today I overheard him talking to one of his friends about how lazy I was and all this bad stuff and i was enraged! now I am just really hurt. I feel betrayed and dont know what I am going to do. He was mad at me this morning becaus we had a fight but he said some mean stuff about me! any ideas of how to handle this beside the obvious? thanks.
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Old 01-07-2010, 01:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

I can understand that itd hurt that he said that stuff behind your back. If you two are fighting a lot though these things are bound to happen. I think you should tell him it hurt you.

but you do have another option. sometimes my H says things about my behavior that are hurtful too, because i dont want to think im that kind of person. but instead of getting hurt, i try and ask myself if its true. So, is it true?
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Old 01-07-2010, 01:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

My husband is currently on probation and in a domestic violence program for abusing me physical and emotional. He said more than just lazy, he used many other words! Im not lazy. he gets like that when things do not go his way, he likes his way or no way. he is selfish sometimes. I am on the verge of divorce.I am on the fence and falling.thank you.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

I am in a similar situation with my wife. However, the insult was to my face, but in front of other people. She said she didn't mean it the way she said it, but I cannot for the life of me think of any other way it could mean than just "mean".

Sometimes you have a fight with your spouse and say mean things in the heat of the moment. However, It has always been my belief that you support your spouse in public, even if you might not agree. Keep your mouth shut if nothing else.

I was looking for a word to describe my feelings and I think "betrayed" is as good as any. Once you are betrayed then there is no trust there. What is he saying when you don't overhear? What is he doing when you are not watching? (e.g. moving money from your joint account to his own personal account)

I agree with Blanca that you should ask yourself if what is being said is true. Or at least can someone *interpret* it so? Maybe you do not see it so, but *can* someone *interpret* it so? I had (have) a problem that I get really excited when I discuss things I am interested in and come across as aggressive. I do not feel aggressive, I just want to make my point. However, multiple people have said they *interpret* my actions as aggressive. So, I worked on changing *my* behavior so people would not interpret it as aggressive. You *must* be honest with yourself at the very least.

On the other hand, if the trust is gone, then the relationship is gone, too. If you fell like you cannot rebuild that trust, then you have to do something.
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Old 03-08-2014, 10:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

My husband told his father that he thinks i had some sexual think with my twin brother growing up. How could he say such a thing?
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Old 03-09-2014, 02:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by faithful2223 View Post
My husband is currently on probation and in a domestic violence program for abusing me physical and emotional. He said more than just lazy, he used many other words! Im not lazy. he gets like that when things do not go his way, he likes his way or no way. he is selfish sometimes. I am on the verge of divorce.I am on the fence and falling.thank you.
Reality check 1) he's on "probation" (nice men probably wouldn't end up being on) 2) is there any hope for this marriage? It is probably unlikely for your h to become a "much nicer man" overnight...

You think you are doing your best as his Wife and your h obviously doesn't think you are...and he didn't hesitate to air his negative view about you. Were you shocked? At least, you know the truth. Very little point of arguing over this with him. You know how he is towards you over so many years.
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Old 03-09-2014, 02:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband talked bad about me today.

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Originally Posted by nicole40 View Post
My husband told his father that he thinks i had some sexual think with my twin brother growing up. How could he say such a thing?
It happens. I mean, think about it. If someone can have sex with an animal such as a dog or a horse, why wouldn't they have sex with a sibling?

It's all about boundaries.

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Originally Posted by poppyseed View Post
Very little point of arguing over this with him. You know how he is towards you over so many years.
Hopefully she's figured this out by now, given that it's been another 4 years since this thread was created.
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