The "Ultimate" Insult

Meriter · 01-11-2010, 04:44 PM

I don't want to make this about me, but my wife told her co-workers that, although I treat her well, I am unattractive.
So I know how you feel I guess.

What everyone has been telling me is that it probably has more to do with her own insecurities than my actual looks.
I haven't changed much looks-wise since we were married and I doubt you have grown or shrunk much since you were married.

She married you for a reason.

We went through the same things you are after her comment - still are actually. Let me know how it goes for you.

BigBadWolf · 01-11-2010, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meriter

I don't want to make this about me, but my wife told her co-workers that, although I treat her well, I am unattractive.
So I know how you feel I guess.

What everyone has been telling me is that it probably has more to do with her own insecurities than my actual looks.

If you have not done so already, read what I have typed in post #13 for this very issue.

It is not usually anything about physical looks if a woman is not attracted to her man, unless he is really "let himself go" which is showing is is not in control of his health or hygiene. It is instead more likely what has changed in his treatment of her.

And yes, if a man is being the "nice guy" to a woman, she is going to feel insecure and will not be attracted to this man.

D8zed · 01-12-2010, 07:33 AM

I agree - this has "nice guy" written all over it. Run, don't walk, to the nearest bookstore or library and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Dr. Glover).

Meriter · 01-12-2010, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBadWolf

If you have not done so already, read what I have typed in post #13 for this very issue.

It is not usually anything about physical looks if a woman is not attracted to her man, unless he is really "let himself go" which is showing is is not in control of his health or hygiene. It is instead more likely what has changed in his treatment of her.

And yes, if a man is being the "nice guy" to a woman, she is going to feel insecure and will not be attracted to this man.

Well I said I didn't want to make this about me, and now I have...
I wanted to compliment you on your post though (#13). That did describe me in many ways: telling me how to dress...when to shave...inattentiveness when I am speaking...

I also think it doesn't help that I'm the nicest guy she's ever met. I am the stay at home dad and the kids come to me, even when she is home so perhaps that doesn't help her resentment either.

I don't know how I could get away with reading a book titled: No More Mr. Nice Guy here at home without giving away the game plan, but I will make the changes you suggested in your post and start there.

swedish · 01-12-2010, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by garion

We were talking about someone we all know and that he is really taken advantage of by his wife. Someone commented that he really got the short end of the stick with her. My wife turned to me and said "looks like I go the short end of the stick, too."

She very quickly said, "I didn't mean it the way it sounded", but there was basically no regret in her voice.

Is it possible that she actually could relate to one of the things you were talking about with the other husband and wife?

For example, all these negative things flying around and then someone says 'And he even packs her a lunch every day on top of everything else!' ... then your wife chimed in ... because 'chuckle...i can relate to that one!'

This would explain why she didn't mean it the way it sounded and did not feel a need to overly apologize for it....since you say you have a sense of humor....

could be way off but is this scenario a possibility?

garion · 01-17-2010, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meriter

I don't want to make this about me, but my wife told her co-workers that, although I treat her well, I am unattractive.
So I know how you feel I guess.

What everyone has been telling me is that it probably has more to do with her own insecurities than my actual looks.
I haven't changed much looks-wise since we were married and I doubt you have grown or shrunk much since you were married.

She married you for a reason.

We went through the same things you are after her comment - still are actually. Let me know how it goes for you.

Well, I definitely have a few more pounds than when we married 20 years ago. Yes, she has comment to me directly that she would like me to loose a few pounds and is "unhappy" when we go shopping and I do not bother to shave.

garion · 01-17-2010, 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swedish

Is it possible that she actually could relate to one of the things you were talking about with the other husband and wife?

For example, all these negative things flying around and then someone says 'And he even packs her a lunch every day on top of everything else!' ... then your wife chimed in ... because 'chuckle...i can relate to that one!'

This would explain why she didn't mean it the way it sounded and did not feel a need to overly apologize for it....since you say you have a sense of humor....

could be way off but is this scenario a possibility?

That definitely seems to be part of what was happening, but it was also more direct than something like "I can relate". Also there was no "humor" in her voice when she said it.

garion · 01-17-2010, 06:22 AM

Thanks to all who commented. In the meantime I spoke to my wife directly about this. She repeated the comment that it was not meant the way she said it, but couldn't really explain how she meant it. At any rate, things are much better.

BigBadWolf · 01-17-2010, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by garion

Thanks to all who commented. In the meantime I spoke to my wife directly about this. She repeated the comment that it was not meant the way she said it, but couldn't really explain how she meant it. At any rate, things are much better.

The fact that you "spoke to your wife directly about this" is the most important thing right now.

Regardless to what she says, you have demonstrated in this action that you are the man that will insist on respect.

To be consistent from now on, to be the man that shows he will insist on respect, and is not timid to confront his woman when it is lacking, is indeed moving forward.