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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 01-08-2010, 06:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Need help, someone to talk to...

My life is a complete mess. I don't know what's going on in my marriage anymore and I've been so unhappy for a long time. Everything was good before I got pregnant. When I would party with my husband every weekend. Now we have a 10 month old daughter and he doesn't seem happy anymore because he has 'responsibilities'. He can look me straight in the eye and lie to me. Will I ever be able to trust him? He stolen money from me when I was pregnant. Pawned his wedding ring. And I just found out recently that he stole all of my nice jewelry, including an heirloom that was given to me by my grandmother... all for drugs. I found the receipt from the pawnshop for the jewelry this morning. (The receipt was dated on our anniversary a year ago!) I asked him if he took them again... and he looked me in the eye and said, no. That I must have lost them, then he changed the subject. Now I'm suspecting that he might be cheating on me, but I don't know for sure. Ever since I became a mother, he has treated me like crap. I feel like I need to leave him, but we have a daughter and I have no job, not to mention no where to go. I do control the finances, so I do have a little bit of money, but not much. I'm also suspecting that he is doing drugs again, but I don't know for sure. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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Old 01-08-2010, 07:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need help, someone to talk to...

I know how heartbreaking it is to have someone who is supposed to love you stare you straight in the eyes and lie. It hurts really bad, I feel for you on that. Honestly, I would ask him to get involved with a counselor and possibly one that can help him with drug dependency.
Just from what you are saying it seems like he resents having a child because it would mean he has to grow up, so he is resisting even more. Does this seem to be the case to you?
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Old 01-08-2010, 08:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need help, someone to talk to...

my sister got the courage to leave her drug addict husband. she filed for federal support. she now has an apartment and is going back to school. the federal fund pays for all of this, and child care. you can look into what programs are available for you.
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you Blanca. Would you happen to know what website or where your sister found this information? That would be really helpful. I do believe that is the case. He told me over and over that he wasn't ready for a child after we had her, but before we got pregnant he was very willing to have a baby. Now he says he had her for me, to please me. He says such mean things to me. If I cry around him he will tell me that I'm just too sensitive and that I've got to stop crying all the time. I am afraid of him at times, I'm afraid of his reactions. His never really hit me, he has pushed me, but that's it. I think he knows that if he ever hit me I would probably call the police.

Things have been okay today, as long as I let him do what he wants things are okay. It's a lot harder to leave than people originally think. I've said vows, I really do want it to work... but he plays mind games and he lies and it's been continuing, I can't ever let my guard down. I've tried so hard to help him, to let him right his wrongs, but he won't do it and I'm at my wits end. I cannot live like this. And I'm afraid for my daughter, I don't want her growing up around him, it's scares the crap out of me. I have a lot of stuff here and I like where I live, that makes it harder too, not to mention the no job and no money part. I did start going back to school this quarter, that helps with him, but as soon as I get home he's gone, no questions asked. Your suppose to give and take in a relationship, he only takes. I cannot trust him anymore and without trust, where is the relationship? I've given him over a year to build his trust, we've tried therapy and he stopped going. I put him into rehab, but I believe, I don't know for sure, but I think he has relapsed. I know I need to leave, I've been so sad for so long... I just don't know how, where, or when.
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Old 01-09-2010, 08:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need help, someone to talk to...

So sorry you are going through all of this. I know how hard it is. It's better to get this resolved now than to live like this for more than twenty years! My husband destroyed a thriving business to pursue the party life and the young women. The bank is foreclosing on the business and our house. He has a full blown case of the Peter Pan Syndrome--they never grow up. It sounds like you are dealing with it too.

Yet, as bad as my situation seems, I'm going to take my chances with the divorce court. Perhaps then I'll see some equity. You may be better off taking your chances with a divorce. Besides you may be surprised to find out who all lends a helping hand when you are down. I never realized just how many friends I had until my life fell apart. Between my family, friends, and church everyone is comforting me. Do you have family you and your daughter can count on?

Hang in there!
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ely1234 View Post
Thank you Blanca. Would you happen to know what website or where your sister found this information? That would be really helpful.
ill ask her and pm you when i find out.

hang in there.
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Old 01-10-2010, 03:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need help, someone to talk to...

Thank you Blanca. I really do appreciate that. 827Aug, your right, I feel like I'm dealing with that exactly! Peter Pan Syndrome, I like that name a lot. He just won't ever grow up. I do have my mother, and she is very supportive. I have my sister too, but she's not all there and she doesn't and can't understand what I'm going through. She does and will offer me support in anyway she can, but she doesn't do much. I've been discussing an escape route with my mother. I just caved-in yesterday and told her everything. I don't really have anyone else around. Which is why I've turned to this site, for a helping hand. It's really so sad, he puts on such a facade and my whole family thinks he's the best a person can be, but they don't know the details. I feel better knowing that I have made the decision to leave him. It's just the actuality of doing it and, like I said before, when and how.
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