Husband moved out
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Old 01-20-2010, 08:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband moved out

Long story short, my husband of 3 years moved out of the house abrubtly and basically took all his paycheck to get settled in his new place, 3 days before household bills were due. That's another story, but that alone makes me feel like it's definately all about him! We have 15 months old twins, we both work full time, we've had 15 months worth of severe issues ~ I was in a coma for 2 weeks after childbirth due to heart failure, 8 months later I had a stroke due to high BP, then a few months later I had colitis. Before all of that, my husband and I had to deal with his life choices that landed him on felony probation and parole. 7 months ago I got a clean bill of health finally and he got off probation. But the backlash of the tension and the stress left much to be sorted out.

I don't deny there was constant bickering, fighting, etc., but everytime I set a counseling appt he had something come up that he couldn't get out of. And now this... He says he'll go to counseling now, but I'm quite angry and bitter that after all we've been through he could just what essentially relates to abandoning us. He claims up and down that all he wants to do is get his family back in a healthy, happy life. And that's what I want too, but now the resentment of him just packing and going like that, leaving the stress of the finances and the day to day with the babies up to me is getting under my skin.

Can anyone shed some light on what this all means? I'm going through a rollercoaster of emotions!

Thanks!
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Old 01-20-2010, 10:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband moved out

Why does he feel that abruptly abandoning you and your babies will make your family happy & healthy? It sounds selfish to me and makes no sense. Was there an incident (last straw so to speak) that caused him to leave?
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband moved out

There were many straws I suppose. But I guess things were set up at the right time... he had access to his full paycheck for the first time in 3 years, a guy he works with had a rental house ready, and a couple of guys could help him move that week. I had suggested earlier in the week that we need to separate our living arrangements and he should move into the back room for a while(which is huge), he disagreed with this as he didn't want to move out of the marital bed. However he eventually agreed during a morning conversation due to our kids having the room next to ours and he more often than not sleeps right through their wakenings and I'm on diuretcs and need to be close to a bathroom all hours of the night. But then I come home that day from work, kids in tow and all of his clothes and some furnishings from the house were gone.

A part of me wants to work through this, but this situation reminded me of a time when he relapsed into the drug world after a trying time early in our marriage... He got help and I stood by him, nearly 2.5 years later I feel like I'm in that same boat, only this time his DOC is freedom... Do I work through this again? I don't know if he really grasps that marriage and family and home life are going to have issues... His life has been full of jumping ship when things got tough.
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband moved out

You don't need a therapist, you need an attorney.

Drugs, criminal, selfish, and abandoning his wife and kids. This is not someone you want back.
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Old 01-21-2010, 08:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband moved out

Deep down I already know that. I honestly feel like I'm married to a 15 year old kid who got a little upset and ran away from home. The thought of being a single working mom to 15 month old twins just wears me out though! Such is life.
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Old 01-23-2010, 10:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My twins are now eleven, and when they were two the spouse split and had a few flings, then decided he wanted to be a family man again. We went to counseling and for the next nine years things went really well. Until the next major crisis when I need him that is. As long as I was taking care of him, he was fine but as soon as he had to stand on his own two feet and chip in some help he was all about himself again. You can't make them grow up, and you can't afford to raise them either. The surprise he gave you left you in a bad spot, and I would be afraid to trust him again.
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Old 01-24-2010, 11:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by oldnbusted View Post
My twins are now eleven, and when they were two the spouse split and had a few flings, then decided he wanted to be a family man again. We went to counseling and for the next nine years things went really well. Until the next major crisis when I need him that is. As long as I was taking care of him, he was fine but as soon as he had to stand on his own two feet and chip in some help he was all about himself again. You can't make them grow up, and you can't afford to raise them either. The surprise he gave you left you in a bad spot, and I would be afraid to trust him again.
Thank you for sharing. Yes, the trust thing is what scares me. We've talked and I've asked him what would happen if I just disappeared 4 days before bills were due with my whole paycheck... he either leaves or hangs up... he says he needed to look after himself first.. nice!
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Deejo View Post
You don't need a therapist, you need an attorney.

Drugs, criminal, selfish, and abandoning his wife and kids. This is not someone you want back.
I agree with Deejo-if he did it once, he'll probably do it again.
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Old 01-29-2010, 11:00 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband moved out

So after much thought, I decided maybe, just maybe for the sake of the children, I should try and salvage what is left of our marriage. We've been having date nights, and they always turn disasterous. I usually end up dwelling on all the stupid crap he's done (sold some tile we had for our bathroom renovation to pay the guys who helped him move)... We then get in a fight and he abruptly walks out. The next day we vow to try and get along again, never works.

Then last night, he came over to watch a movie (kids were gone)... His phone rings, he says it's a co-worker but he lets it go to v-mail. Curious, I ask can I see the phone. Turns out it wasn't a co-worker, but some random girls number. But the kicker was he "blamed" the 8:30 pm call on a co-worker when that's been a sour subject because I don't feel when he's off the clock they should be calling to tell him about a job tomorrow, or what he did that day. It was non-stop while he lived here and it always got to me! We both agreed that during this seperation that we would not see anyone else and focus 100% on getting our marriage back... Guess that's not the case. Ugh...
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