almost there
So judging by my posts, I am the newbie, but the amount of time I have spent here over the past few weeks has made me feel like family. Thank you feelingalone for your incredible insight and everyone else posting on the "my new begining" thread. I feel like posting there but dont want to "but in". Plus, for myself I need to throw my story out there.
We met in '95, I just out of high school, her a sophmore, 18 and 16 we were each others first loves and eagerly shared everything life threw at us together, joined at the hips. 2002 brought our first son, we were married later that same year, and our second son was born the following year. We had moved around our home town a couple of times, but in 2006 we designed and built our dream home together. 2008 brought the icing on the cake, our beautifull baby girl. if one were to ask me in 1995 where I wanted to be with my life in 15 years, I had now exceeded all expectations.
As with all relationships we had our struggles, but held on to the title of "most perfect couple" to all who knew us. We were living the fairy tale, and after all those years we would still kiss and hold hands like high school kids.
2009 I would have rated as an average year. As expected, the kids consumed most of our time, so there was tension in our relationship due to a lack of mom and dad time.
It was november when I found out some disturbing details about her spending time with him, but out of pure respect and TRUST for her, I simply stated my concern, and she downplayed it as "no big deal, we are just friends". It was already to late. Things snowballed from there untill 1-23-10 when she came home from a night at a friends house and announced "im pregnant". I had a vascectomy almost a year ago.
I have been analizing this from every possible viewpoint for weeks now, at one point almost convincing myself that she may be suffering from some mental debilatation that may have caused this without here actually "knowing" what she was doing! fact is though, the one thing she has been VERY clear about is that she LOVES him.
So to recap, she has been involved with OM for (her account) 8 months. (Ibelieve nothing she says anymore). They fell in love. They are having a baby. They have been making arrangements for her to move in with him. Why should I stand in her way? Sounds like a done deal.
Since 1-23 she is sleeping at her parents house, comes home in the morning to let me go to work and see the kids off to school, I get home she leaves. every day she says how sorry she is, says she just wants us back, says she will have an abortion, (an issue which I cant comprehend either way), and says she is all done with OM hmmmmmmmm????????????????????
Critics will read this and speculate all the little factors that "might add up to?" but nothing will come to within 2 % of justifying what she has done to me and our family. I will be up front with my faults, I work hard. average 50 hours a week which adds up to an "average income". We have 3 kids and she is a sahm. she complains we dont spend enough time together but will be the first to point out my "frugality". My biggest fault as i have learned here, is that I am a "Nice Guy". (thanks FA). I have put every ounce of my energy in 15 years to "us". There is nothing I wouldnt do to make her life easier, but come to find out, I was just doing it for myself, for her approval, to avoid her dissaproval. whatever. Now I sit here on the verge of flushing my world wondering, if I took her back, who would I realy be doing it for? what an unfortunate compromise, either way
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