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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-30-2010, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 212
need insight

I am to the point where I know what has to be done, but am still trying to convince myself.

First of all, I was always so naive to think that if this ever happened to me that I would just up and walk away. Who would have thunk? After reading some of the posts on here I am absolutly floored with the things that people are able to work through, and I find myself asking, am I that strong?

Here is my hitch; IF I could find it in myself to forgive the things that she did to me, and IF we could somehow rebuild some sort of trust, is it possible to fix the leaks that have sunken our boat?

I am finding that our morals and values are so completely different, (in that she has none, and that she has actually been able to surpress mine for so long), that I wonder if we are even compatible. I know that if I said "I want our marriage to work, but here are a few things that will have to change", she would say YES I WILL!!! but actions have spoken MUCH louder than words, and I dont think she has it in her. I know I am leaving out all the details here but that is intentional in the hope that this does not bog down. I guess what Im asking here is for those of you who tried to make it work, what was the outcome?
did you and your partner come to some sort of a compromise? do you feel as if you are still the glue that keeps you together, and he/she does not appreciate that?
did you just fall back into the old routine soon after and now you are living with a complete lack of self respect?
or was this event truly life changing for your wayward spouse when he/she realized exactly what they had to loose?

Any feedback is greatly appreciated....I realize that everyones story is so different, but I am trying so hard to make an educated decision............

Also, feel free to coment if you decided to separate with some of the same sentiments. Did time convince you that your decision was justified, or have you always regreted it wondering What if? I know people who have been married 3 times and say "I probably should have just put more into the first one"

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-30-2010, 09:22 PM
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Posts: 35,542
Re: need insight

You can't make someone else change. You can tell them what you will accept, and what you will do if she doesn't follow through with your boundaries as described. But then you have to be willing to follow through, i.e., divorce her if she 'breaks the rules.'
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