Re: Marriage or Roommates??
Thank you all so much for your thoughts/inspiration! I have decided not to give up quite yet and to give it a good shot. In the past few days, my marriage has improved a bit. My husband and I have had 2 at-home date nights (one night was a games night, one a movie night...there was intimacy on both nights too!). I also talked to him about trying to improve our marriage by joining some sort of extra-curricular activity together (through what we call here a Leisure Guide) and he agreed to that, plus we're going to start going on more date nights together. So, that's a start!
Amplexor, in answer to your questions, I think we just got to a place where it is now slightly awkward for us to touch because we gradually just stopped doing so much with each other and not making the effort to pick up the phone to call babysitters for us to be able to go out and do things as a couple. We became parents and "forgot" about being a couple as well. It sounds like I may be (at least in part if not all) to blame for the lack of sexual intimacy because he once told me that he stopped asking for it (and believe me, he asked for it ALL THE TIME before!) because he said he could only hear the word "No" so many times before he got discouraged enough to stop. I have learned from that mistake, I NEVER say no now! Yes, I do try to initiate intimacy and he is more for the sexual kind, not so much the cuddling/hugging kind but he'll hug me back when I hug him.
Sameoldstory, as much as I feel for you on your same issues, it is nice to hear that I am not alone. I really felt that I was alone in this before joining this forum the other day. Our intimacy problems are that we both think it got to the point of awkwardness for us both to touch in any way, but I think he feels more awkward about it than I do. Although, he is not much into the whole cuddling thing which baffles me and he doesn't even know why...maybe it's just not what he grew up with?? Maybe from a male's point of view, do you think that I just said "No" too much and that's why he stopped asking so much for the sexual intimacy?? Do you think, also, that if the sexual intimacy is there, that the cuddling may follow?? How long have you and your wife been having your issues with this? Have you both talked about it and tried to come up with ways to improve on it? Do you get along well together? That's such a big factor in why my husband and I don't want to give up (other than our kids of course), is that we get along SO well together. We are such great friends. I hope it all goes well for you and your wife.