DWNURSE

I have never done anything like this before. I am 23 years old and married to a man 10 years older than me..this may will be out 1 year anniversary. We dated for about 9 months and it was great, we would go out to bars, party, and have fun. Then I found out i was pregnant. Not really what we wanted to happen! We struggles a lot with what to do. He wanted an abortion, I was going to do it...but ended up not being able to emotionally. We have a beautiful 1 1/1 year old lil girl. She is great. I am a nursing student and he works in a financial company. I have had problems with him lieing, i found some emails to other women that he knew and things were discussed that shouldnt have been. He also has a problem with smoking marijuana. He hides it in the garage and smokes when i am gone or he thinks i am sleeping. I have threatened to leave, left for a couple days..but come back because of our daughter. I dont want to be 23 with a child and divorced. But with all of the lies, I no longer trust him and I'm to the point I dont love him anymore. I dont want to kiss him, hug him, or be intimate with him. I am just staying for my daughter. I dont know what to do. Should I be fair to myself and him and leave. He said he would go to counseling I agreed and came back to him after telling him i wanted to seperate. I told him to find a therpist and set it all up. He said he called two places. One said they were full and the other he said hasnt called him back. I told him to call them again and he hasn't. Its like he just thinks well she came back so now we can forget about the counseling. I think i made a mistake coming back.. but can i say..im sorry i changed my mind again i dont want to be with you after 3 weeks? Im so upset, confused, depressed, and stressed! Any one else gone throught something similar?

turnera

Set up the counselor yourself. If he goes, great. If he doesn't, work on separating, because you have your answer. But you should go by yourself, at least, to have someone to talk to.

DWNURSE

I think i will, but it shows me he isnt really serious if he wont even set something up..like it all goes away. He always avoids everything! He hides things and avoids..i dont feel like i know him at all..he doesnt talk to me..tell me whats going on in his life..work..etc.. but thank you i am definitely going to find someone to talk to.

turnera

Such a trait isn't necessarily a sign of a bad person...more than likely someone who was taught as a child to avoid confrontation, avoid bad feelings. If you can help him see counseling as something that will make you both feel good, he may change his course. I'm pretty sure that, when he thinks counseling, all he sees is 'I'm going to get beat up.'