She wants me to leave but i dont want to go
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » She wants me to leave but i dont want to go

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-10-2010, 10:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
dre
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 14
Default She wants me to leave but i dont want to go

Me and my wife have gone through a lot in 6+ years of marriage.
Recently she found out i cheated with a friend of ours. Before this things where rough but we still spoke and worked through most of our problems. Well the if that was not enough my daughter's friends live across the street from the woman i had the affair with so they called her and told my d i was over there and sent her pictures. So needless to say my d lost her friends because of the embarrassment. Now every one in my house hates me. The woman has moved out of state and my daughter forgave me not to long ago after dropping this bomb on me in the middle of a family meeting saying she could not hold it in anymore. Me and my wife where getting over it but this coming out 4 or 5 mos after has been crippling to our marriage. Now she wants me out because i hurt not only her but the kids. Should i continue to walk on eggshells till time heals this wound or should i leave and maybe try from a distance she has not said that she wants a divorce for certain but if i leave what will she do? Help me guys I'm lost i don't want to leave my family i want a chance to make it up or at least show them it want happen again

Last edited by dre; 02-10-2010 at 10:17 PM. Reason: left out a word
dre is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-10-2010, 11:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
Wink Re: She wants me to leave but i dont want to go

I understand that you do not want to lose your family. But, it seems to me that you took that chance when you had the affair. If you really want to work on your marriage and try to rebuild the trust that was taken away, give your wife some space. You really have no control over how she chooses to proceed, whether it is to work on rebuilding the marriage or if she feels that the marriage is over and she wants a divorce. The ball is basically in her court. What you do have control over is showing her enough respect to listen to her, understanding why she feels the way she does, and giving her the space she needs to figure out what she wants.
TammyH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2010, 12:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,767
Default Re: She wants me to leave but i dont want to go

You are the one who caused this and thus you would be the one to bear the consequences of your choices. I rarely if ever see a marriage recover when the couple separate and one moves out though.

Thus I would suggest that you tell your wife you take the responsibility for actions that hurt her, let her know you understand and she has the right to feel devastated again, that you'll do what you need to in order to help her get through it...but that you'd be more than willing to move to another bedroom or the couch. Then give he a little time to grieve and take the initiative to get into some counseling or marriage coaching about why you had the affair in the first place. YOU look for the counselor/coach, YOU make the appointment, and YOU go by yourself if you have to.

I would encourage you to see if you can stay and sleep in another bedroom for now, but it's time to man up and pay the piper for the affair.
__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies
Affaircare is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Depressed and dont know how to leave bcjr212 Physical & Mental Health Issues 1 04-23-2012 06:19 AM
She can't stand me.... I dont even know how to leave TheLoneRanger Considering Divorce or Separation 20 04-03-2012 05:42 AM
i dont want to leave... Justbychance Considering Divorce or Separation 1 01-12-2010 12:21 PM
dont wat to leave.BUT jdslot Considering Divorce or Separation 7 08-14-2008 10:16 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:58 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage