She wants me to leave but i dont want to go

dre · 02-10-2010, 10:16 PM

Me and my wife have gone through a lot in 6+ years of marriage.
Recently she found out i cheated with a friend of ours. Before this things where rough but we still spoke and worked through most of our problems. Well the if that was not enough my daughter's friends live across the street from the woman i had the affair with so they called her and told my d i was over there and sent her pictures. So needless to say my d lost her friends because of the embarrassment. Now every one in my house hates me. The woman has moved out of state and my daughter forgave me not to long ago after dropping this bomb on me in the middle of a family meeting saying she could not hold it in anymore. Me and my wife where getting over it but this coming out 4 or 5 mos after has been crippling to our marriage. Now she wants me out because i hurt not only her but the kids. Should i continue to walk on eggshells till time heals this wound or should i leave and maybe try from a distance she has not said that she wants a divorce for certain but if i leave what will she do? Help me guys I'm lost i don't want to leave my family i want a chance to make it up or at least show them it want happen again

TammyH · 02-10-2010, 11:20 PM

I understand that you do not want to lose your family. But, it seems to me that you took that chance when you had the affair. If you really want to work on your marriage and try to rebuild the trust that was taken away, give your wife some space. You really have no control over how she chooses to proceed, whether it is to work on rebuilding the marriage or if she feels that the marriage is over and she wants a divorce. The ball is basically in her court. What you do have control over is showing her enough respect to listen to her, understanding why she feels the way she does, and giving her the space she needs to figure out what she wants.

Affaircare · 02-11-2010, 12:32 AM

You are the one who caused this and thus you would be the one to bear the consequences of your choices. I rarely if ever see a marriage recover when the couple separate and one moves out though.

Thus I would suggest that you tell your wife you take the responsibility for actions that hurt her, let her know you understand and she has the right to feel devastated again, that you'll do what you need to in order to help her get through it...but that you'd be more than willing to move to another bedroom or the couch. Then give he a little time to grieve and take the initiative to get into some counseling or marriage coaching about why you had the affair in the first place. YOU look for the counselor/coach, YOU make the appointment, and YOU go by yourself if you have to.

I would encourage you to see if you can stay and sleep in another bedroom for now, but it's time to man up and pay the piper for the affair.