Should I go or should I stay, please help!

bandit0000 · 04-20-2008, 11:05 PM

Hi,
I have a big dilemma, one I know that I can only make a decision about, but wondered if I could get some opinions please?
Briefly, found out my partner of 14 yrs cheated on me in January (he has done it before also), I have tried to make a go of things, but I have met someone else in the mean time. He is so lovely, really kind, caring, romantic, fun & yes very sexy too.
He is offering me all the things I have been trying to get my partner of 14yrs to do ie marriage & children.

They both know about each other & I obviously have to make a decision quite soon.
My partner of 14yrs wants me to stay & work things out & promises he will not cheat again. With him I would have a comfortable life, no money worries etc.

The man I met is so different from my partner ie he wants to do couple things, take me out etc which I am not used to at all. However money would not be in such free supply with him.
Don't get me wrong money is not the biggy for me, but part of the picture so wanted to fill you in.

The easiest thing I think would be to stay with my current partner, but I am afraid that a leopard may never change its spots & I miss out on this lovely man. Do I take the leap & leave?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou.

Amplexor · 04-21-2008, 09:10 AM

If the core of your current relationship is good don’t throw 14 years out the window without a good effort. Since you are not married and mention it when you speak of the other man what is the hold up with partner 1? You have been hurt badly by him so you are vulnerable to find comfort in someone else. Only natural but initial stardust will change with time as it does for all. Be objective about both men and try to see things as clearly as possible. Best of luck.

Cooper · 04-21-2008, 06:49 PM

Bandit, in 14 years where have you gotten in this relationship? You want marriage and kids, are you there yet? He has cheated on you and now you have met someone you think will give you the future you want. Even though there are no for sures in any relationship you have 14 years of history of not getting what you want. To me it sounds like neither one of you is commited to the current relationship. I say it's time to move on and try to find happiness. JMO, Cooper

believer · 04-22-2008, 09:36 PM

I would have to wonder about the cheating partner - that he is only now shifting into gear when he realizes what he might lose? Is the competitiveness in him that he is doing it? Does he really not want to lose you. However from what you have said, sound like he was not willing to move forward with marriage & kids until the other man came into the picture.
I would have some doubts about this other "wonderful" man as well because if you are unhappy in the other relationship - he might just seem wonderful now comparing him to your current "unhappy" situation. If he really has feelings for you - he may give you your space to sort out your feelings so you can make an educated decision.
I think it is important to spend time on your own & figure out what it is you want before jumping into a new relationship or leaving the old.
it is tough- but only you will know what is right for you.

draconis · 04-22-2008, 10:28 PM

I always hate to hear there is another person, it means that you yourself at some level have cheated emotionally and this other guy would be a rebound at the least.

Seeing where you are now gives you options, money shouldn't be a consideration as it can only rent happiness and not buy it. If you really truely think you will be happy with the other guy then break it off with the guy you are with. If you think the guy you are with really has changed for the better breal the contact with the other guy.

draconis

sweetp101 · 04-24-2008, 08:02 AM

14 years is a long time to be with someone and just walk away. Have you ever talked to him with how unhappy you are? Did you start to get unhappy once affair was revealed?

Falling into another relationship without ending another is not the right answer. Believe me I know from experience. The grass is not always greener on the other side.