mother is against my divorce
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Old 02-22-2010, 11:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default mother is against my divorce

I don't understand my mother. When I try to tell her about problems with my husband she gets really mad at me and fights with me. She sucks up to my in-laws, who I don't really have a relationship with because of how they treated me (partly the reason I'm getting divorced). My husband has done horrible things to me and she's made excuses for them. She recently told my mil that my sister is pregnant - I did not tell her that because I don't have much of a relationship with her. My husband didn't tell her either. I don't have kids, so now my mil will come after me about why we don't have kids yet, when my sister is pregnant. This is why I didn't tell her, it's why my husband didn't tell her, but my mother did. My mother is controlling and abusive, I have lived under her control and abuse my whole life. Why would she suck up to my in-laws when she knows I don't get along with them and they have done horrible things and said horrible things to me. My inlaws and husband are another story. Just to put it in perspective, my fil is divorced 3 times, my husband cheated on me, and constantly blows up at me. My inlaws have bad relationships with almost all of their family members because of the way they are (so it's not just me). Why won't my mother support me in wanting to get divorced? I get that I shouldn't be affected by what she thinks, but it does affect me. Is it normal for a mother (or father) to be against their child's divorce?
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Old 02-22-2010, 11:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: mother is against my divorce

Don't tell your mother anything regarding your relationship anymore. Just hang up the phone or leave her house if she starts to rail at you for anything regarding your relationship.

You've said she's been abusive and controlling your whole life. She isn't likely to change at this point and turn into a supporting loving mother.
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Old 02-22-2010, 11:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: mother is against my divorce

I think that TNG is right, you are looking for something from your mother that you are unlikely to get. I would tell her that you love her but if she is not going to support your choices you will choose not to be around her. Have you thought about moving to another state? another country? Sounds like your extended family is enmeshed and a little distance might work wonders.
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