Did I screw up? Wife says yes, but I think she's overreacting
First, let me say I love my wife. She's 9 years older than me. We have been married three years, together for 6, and have a baby.
She's been very different lately and keeps bringing up divorce. I don't want to not have her and my kid in my life so I say no to that.
She says I'm not the same person anymore but I think nothing has changed with me. She complains about stuff I don't do but thinks I should. She won't let anything go. She has never forgiven me for things that happened years ago. She says she has forgiven, just hasn't forgotten. My wife puts up a wall for sure. She is really closed off right now and has been for a while. I try calling her from work every day to check on things but she won't answer. She doesn't say I love you anymore. If I kiss her, she barely kisses back. We used to have sex like crazy, now it's almost non existent.
Her feelings for me aren't the same at all. I can feel it. We used to be really close. Now all there is is a mild friendship. I come home from work and we just watch tv, that's about it. If I ask her what's wrong, she says one or two word answers. She told me that she can't keep saying the same thing over and over but I think she's overreacting. I'm not a bad guy. It could be a lot worse.
She thinks I don't care about her. But I do. She keeps telling me that my words don't matter it's my actions. Which I get, but she never tells me the things I do right. Just points out what I do wrong. She says the things I do right are things I'm supposed to do as a man, and shouldn't expect a reward for it. She says she feels like she's my mother always cleaning up after me and she's sick of it.
Her main complaints are that I don't help with the baby, but I do. She says I spend all my time with fantasy football and playing on my softball team. She's really pissed that I go to a gym and work out. She says she can't go herself because the baby won't go to me. I offer to watch the baby, but she cries right away so I give her back to mom and she quiets down immediately. My wife is hurt because she says I don't tell her she's attractive anymore. She lost all her weight already. I tell her she looks good. I didn't know I was supposed to point that out. She's overreacting. She also is mad at me because she takes out the trash, picks up the dog poop in the yard and does the litter box and thinks I should do it. Can't even tell you how many times she flipped out on me for that while she was pregnant. It's not like I won't do it, I just will do it when I think about it. If a week goes by before it gets done, it's not the end of the world.
Something she said the other day really hurt. She says I devote more time to doing stuff I want to do, than to developing a relationship with my daughter. That's not true.
She's also really pissed that we don't have a joint banking account, that she thinks my family doesn't like her, and that she feels she is not "worth my effort." She just had a big birthday and told me not to get her anything because I just paid for a new fridge. So I didn't! Than she got mad because I didn't get her a card. It bothered her a lot because she has organized big parties for me in the past and gets me presents. But she didn't want anything!
I don't know what to do. I tell her I love her. But she says I am self absorbed and my actions don't match the words. She's always stressed out about money. She stays home with our baby and watches another person's child for extra money. She did this on her own because she says she feels she has to support herself even as a married person. I said we can combine money into an account but now she won't because she says I buy too much stuff for myself.
With her barely even talking to me, I don't know how much longer this is gonna go on. I tell her I want to fix this, but she says it's too late. She's tired of trying and things never change. I'm trying - she doesn't see it. Or ever tell me when I do something right.
So...who is right? I'm not a bad person. I am trying. Thanks.