Wife threatening to leave me.
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Old 03-26-2010, 07:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife threatening to leave me.

Hi, I'm new here, but am pretty much at my wit's end. My wife and I have been married 10 years, this coming summer, but were dating 4 years prior to that. Last fall I was laid off from my good paying job and I have only been able to land one interview in 5.5 months of sending out many hundreds of resumes. Needless to say, my wife is from Europe (we met there) and she basically has given me an ultimatum: either I find a good paying job by June, or she leaves and goes back to her parents in her home country. Our marriage has always been very rocky, and in particular I've always resented the fact that she never had any interest in sex. As a result, we never were able to conceive a child, but behold! 3 months after I was laid off, she conceived and now she wants to go back to her parents to raise the child, since I can't find a job.

Long story short, she has given me the choice of throwing away everything we own, including two cars, a very big house full of furniture (much of which I grew up with and has sentimental value to me) and just go move in with her parents, who have a house (a nice townhouse, granted) overseas. I don't speak the language of that country and it's pretty much a village, with old people and no chance for decent work. I know my in-laws would give the future child a good life and education, but at this point, I am so resentful of what she's forcing on me, that I feel the relationship would just end horribly over there, too. Plus, it's a matter of pride: I spent my whole life busting my behind to work hard and save money and live responsibly, and this is what I get in return. It's a matter of principle and pride for me. In some ways, I feel like the displaced Jews who were forced to throw away their lives and possessions to flee their countries during WWII.

Part of me says I need to just forget about it all and just give up everything for the sake of the child, but I know I'll hate my wife for what she's done (and has put me through for 10 years of complaining about how her country is so much better).

Oh yeah, we also have two cats and a champion dog that would somehow have to survive relocation. Not sure one of the cats would survive the trip, since she's old and sickly.

Thanks, and sorry for the long first posting.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife threatening to leave me.

Hello Rauha,

I realize times are very tough right now. I really think you need to man up here. Is there not a menial or entry level job you can get temporarily while you are searching for your higher paying job? I believe if you had done that 4 months ago it would of helped your W handle this crisis. Start making every available effort in finding employment immediately. Make that your highest priority and you should at least start meeting your W's emotional needs in this matter.

Good luck, and easy on those WWII comments, I lost family members in the Holocaust, what you are going through is nowhere remotely close to what my surviving or non surviving relatives went through.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife threatening to leave me.

DennisNLA,

Sorry, didn't mean any offense, honestly. As for looking for work, I have been, non-stop, every day. I'm even applying to get into the military, but don't think I can pass the medicals. Problem is this: I get unemployment insurance, which is pretty decent and pays most, but not all the mortgage. There are very few low paying jobs around, since the unemployment is bad around here, and we're got plenty of people with advanced degrees like me working in the produce dept, etc. Even those positions are few and far between. Besides, if I take a job of any kind, I lose the unemployment, and if that job doesn't pay as much as the unemployment, then I'm on a faster track to lose my house. I'm not making excuses...this is the typical trap of dependency on government handouts. I do NOT want to be on govt handouts...far from it, it's a humiliation for me.
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Old 03-28-2010, 07:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Unhappy Re: Wife threatening to leave me.

HI,
I am new here too and I felt like I have nowhere else to go.
Married 25 years, husband threatens to sell house ,kickout daughter (with our 10 month old granddaughter),and me because I am on disability (pitiful $233 week). Doctor has put permanent restrictions on me.. anyway he feels extremely resentful that she is not working, and I am not working. Jobs are hard to come by here too but I would be wiling to try-although being unemployed for two and half years does not loook good to perspective employers.

Our finances are a terrible mess-we could lose our house- and yes that is my fault, oh the main thing he is pissed about, he could lose his security clearance. He does have a great paying job-but there is no family life here. He gets on the computer everyday either after work or before, and plays this new Star Trek online game-which sounds like fun but he is always on it.. games,always games.. I love outdoors and my horse. Well anyway, we have been to jail over a year and half ago (thanks to our daughter), and we have survived. WE both had affairs early in our marriage and we have survived. Our daughter got pregant at 19 and is not married and we have survived. HE is being the most negative , and emotionally unfullilling man these past three months. Oh the sex is still great but after what he said to me today-there is not going to be any!l I do not want to end our marriage of almost 25 years-that seems so wrong, so pitiful..but I think we need to separate at the very least. He may be the kind of guy who is just as happy as a clam alone (with his games). And according to my daughter-he will be alone. Bythe way he is 43! So am I. (a good looking young 43 I might add)

Oh and he agrees the marriage is on thin sheet of ice-as he put it today. To me these are my realizations: 1)WE really do not spend anytime together anymore-maybe we never really did. 2) Our kids and especially the daughter have suffered for his unenthusiatic approach to our family life. 3) We are so different-maybe we have just grown apart.

Sigh.. I want to dance again (when my knees are better someday) . With or without him!
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