I don't want it to be over

Almeron · 05-11-2008, 05:22 AM

Hey all, new here. I've looked browsed around the forums a bit, but obviously, my situation is mine alone.

My wife and i were married young (both of us just 20), but we had been close friends for many years before that. She left an abusive relationship to be with me, and the both of us were deeply in love. We have been together for about 4 years now, with very few issues at all, we never yell, our sexual relationship (although intimate and private) is good and healthy, and we have always had many of the same interests.
I was happier with her than i ever thought i could be.
A month or so ago, my wife started hanging out with our friends late at night (she has always been a bit of a night owl) and many times, i would either opt not to go, or be told that she wanted to just talk with the girls. Obviously, after a while i started seeing a change, i tried to get her to talk to me but she assured me everything was okay. Just recently, it finally came to light, she had been slowly falling for another friend of ours, and was now horribly torn about weather she loved this person, or me. we tried for a while to work things out, but last night we finally came to it. She says that she just dosn't feel the same about me any more, but she feels horrible about it. For all these years i've given every bit of my heart to her, i love her so much i would do anything for her, and i don't want to lose her.
She says she dosn't understand why she all of a sudden does not love me any more. Is it all because this friend of ours payed a little more attention to her for a week (he's only just 20 years old now and i really don't beleive that he loves her)?
She hasn't cheeted on me, and we both feel that we should try to work this out, what we had was so deep an emotion for both of us to just give up.
Is there any hope of restoring what we had? how do you just not love someone after 4 years of happyness? What can i do to save this? I don't want to be with anyone after her, and i told her that no matter what, i'd always love her and would take her back if it didn't go well.
What else can we do to try to restore what she felt for me?

Thanks and blessings all

draconis · 05-11-2008, 06:35 PM

Love takes two and for the marriage to work she has to decide that she will stay away from this other guy because an emotional affair takes away the time, and resources of relationship a (you).

This also shows a huge weakness in your communications with her and she with you, I would invest time in getting better at talking to one another and really listening.

There also seems to be a trust issue here that isn't being addressed.

draconis

Amplexor · 05-12-2008, 08:29 AM

Almeron

This can be salvaged but it will take time. You can’t fix this in a hurry and the two of you will need to work together to recapture your mutual love. She can’t reconnect with you until she ends the relationship with TOM. Even though it is an emotional affair at this time, it is damaging to your marriage and her view of you. I know this first hand as I’ve lived it myself. Communicate with her and find out what she feels she is missing in the relationship. That she feels guilt is a good sign. She cares for you and has a loyalty to you and your marriage. Work on your mutual needs and don’t over react. Doting on her will just push her further away. Good luck.

Almeron · 05-13-2008, 03:40 AM

Thanks for the replies. We both know that the two of us had big comunication problems, although they were never really problems before, it's become more apparent now. The both of us have recently opened up alot to eachother and our friends, i have shared how i felt through out this whole thing, and she is working on expressing some pretty painful emotions. She is very angry with herself right now, and very depressed. I tell her every day that she did not do this on purpose, she did not set out to hurt me or herself, and that she is a good person. It's frustrating sometimes because we will go out to walk or shop around and she will be happier, but sometimes will just fall back into being very depressed.
I think, slowly we can work through this, and i've told her that i'll be with her every step of the way.
I sudgested that she look into help forums and talk to people with similar feelings, and she agreed that she would, i think it can really help her understand just what she's feeling and listen to how others have done. What part of these (or other) forums do you think my wife should look into?
It's 6:00 in the morning here and i'm off to work so i appologize for any gibberish.

Thanks again
Al

draconis · 05-13-2008, 01:00 PM

Well you could always do a he said/she said on the these forums and have other add input. Also if she solos here if she can't find a section the general section is a catch all.

draconis