Should i still fear him hurting us?
Le vieux, based on what you've told us over the past month, I would say yes. Yet, you know the situation a thousand times better than we do. And you are the one responsible for deciding what is best for your children. This, then, is a matter you must decide. Based on the way you've handled other problems, I am confident you will make the right decision. Be sure to get the recorded conversation from your daughter ASAP and make a copy for hiding. Also, think long and hard about whether is safe for you to return to your homeland with him (for a wedding, I believe). I realize you have let your son's passport expire -- that is very smart. Just make sure your H cannot get the legal upper hand in any way if you return to your home country for the event.
Today he told me he took individual appointment with therapist ... Do you think i should contact her before his appointment?
As I said earlier, I believe it is a total waste of time to go to couples counseling with a BPDer, who will only play mind games there. As to his individual appointment with a therapist (psychologist?), it too is likely to be a waste of time if he is going only to appease you and keep you from leaving. Learning to control BPD is such a painful and difficult process, his only chance of accomplishing it (over a period of several years) is if he desperately wants it for himself. That seems unlikely given the way you have had to push him to that meeting. I therefore doubt that it much matters whether you contact the therapist or not. Call her if you want to. Like I said above, I trust your judgment in this matter.
uptown you said your wife spent 15 years in therapy what was the reason to not improve? Was it bc of her?
Yes, she was not sufficiently self-aware -- and still isn't -- to recognize that she suffers from BPD. I paid for her to have weekly sessions with six different psychologists over a 15-year period, all to no avail.
How can i know if he is starting to change? How much are the chances for my H to heal after this long time he is now 55 years old?
I addressed both of these issues in a lengthy post to you on this same thread about four weeks ago. It is at 28 years of marriage What ca i do?