I feel lost i can't think clearly
I don't know what to expect
I am scared of what is coming next
Right now i still don't have any plan
I still don't know if i move out or i stay
His silent treatment makes me so confused and
not knowing what he is planning for
I don't see him as a criminal
but as angry and desperate and this is also scary
I don't know if what he is doing b/c he lost hope or b/c he is trying to find something to put the blame one more time away from himself
You are offering a great assistance for me
the problem is in me i am unable to take this huge step
b/c the consequences still unknown for me
but also everyone is saying the same thing to me even my co-workers
serving him the papers and staying under the same roof is insane too
I am in a very critical situation i should decide
Go to Google and look up Women's Shelters in your city. Print out their addresses and map them. When you get off work, go to visit one. Just go inside, ask the lady at the front desk for help, and someone will talk to you and help you figure out your options.
This is what she DOES for a living. LET her help you.
Le vieux, I agree that you and your child are far safer in the shelter -- the immediate objective is to stay alive and unharmed. You can move to a home when it is safe. Your H is totally unpredictable. TOTALLY unpredictable. You and your daughter could not be less safe if you were standing in the middle of a freeway.
I can't go to a shelter
I just called the crisis line and the woman who answered me said i can't keep my job if i am in a shelter b/c
1rst they have classes i should participate in them
2nd b/c he knows my job address so he would follow me and know where is the shelter located and this is unsafe
she asked me to get restraining order before serving him with divorce
With DVTRO he moves out or i move out and he can't get closer than 100 yards of me
So i am now trying to get some rest maybe i will be able to decide what i know i should do and what everyone and you are asking me to do. TO LEAVE...
Have you tried talking to him since that last episode, to let him know that you WILL be divorcing him, and you hope he can come to accept it? Do it in a safe place, in front of other people. This may - may - help him come to grips with what is about to happen.
You may consider asking him to go to a mediator or counselor with you, one that you pick, who will help you talk to him to accept the divorce.
lvs, I'm not trying to be rude, but what exactly did you think was going to happen when he got served? Did you think he would just go "Oh, ok, I guess that's it, let me pack my bags"? I thought you had been preparing a place to go all this time.
It seems i am going to lose my oldest kids support
My son called me yesterday to blame me why i didn't go to my in-laws for my H's birthday
He said it is not any day it is a special day I said you are saying so b/c you don't know how many special days he made me cry in my whole life.
I gave him some examples....
He said so now you blew up you should not let things bottle up and than end it by divorce stop acting like a child now you woke up after about 30 years of marriage.......
In my son's mind and i can't blame him b/c that's how he lived that it's ok if the woman has less rights or being treated bad the family above everything
He said are you now americanized and forgot about your religion and values that you raised us on
I gave him ex of women in my country who left their Hs but he said look to the other women who kept their family together
Both of you don't think to come back here if you will be divorced and i am not going to get married....
His voice and tone hurt me my son is blaming me for what i am doing and said also that we have to act like adults and solve our problems to keep the family
He said this is his last call to me he will talk to his dad to and than he will decide what he is going to do....
Have you tried talking to him since that last episode, to let him know that you WILL be divorcing him, and you hope he can come to accept it? Do it in a safe place, in front of other people. This may - may - help him come to grips with what is about to happen.
You may consider asking him to go to a mediator or counselor with you, one that you pick, who will help you talk to him to accept the divorce.
lvs, I'm not trying to be rude, but what exactly did you think was going to happen when he got served? Did you think he would just go "Oh, ok, I guess that's it, let me pack my bags"? I thought you had been preparing a place to go all this time.
No turnera i din't talk to him he knows i am planning to divorce him but not that i filed and once he knows i did he won't admit going to any counselor and there no one that we both know can serve as mediator
turnera when i get back the divorce papers i need to find any person over 18 to serve him but also i can keep the papers with me the needed time to be ready to serve them in a safe way.
lvs, don't worry about your son. Your H is working double time to get him on his side. PLUS, he IS his father's son, and he will likely turn out just like him, so you can't expect him to see you any differently. All you can do is maintain your integrity and know that you are preserving your life. He may come around, you never know. But you have to take care of yourself.
One more friend called me to tell me that my H called him and left voice message for him to call back
still one he didn't call yet(he is calling my contacts with whom i have more contacts than the others.
When i came back home yesterday i found on my bed a paper from him that said that he is not blind and that i am a B. And he said here is some hints and he wrote the two names of my friends and other name from my country that means all who are close to me and he said one more hint in the other page and there was a copy of a post card all the employees in my work received it as caregivers i was hanging it in my room. so he thought it is from OM (the words in it could be twisted)
it talks about the human touch "...The touch of your hand and mine Which means far more to the fainting heart than shelter and bread and wine......" He ended his letter by saying what you see is the beginning there will be more and more and more...
That's sad i want to talk to him do you think it will work or he will also think i am afraid of him i think in his mind he believes i am leaving him for someone else anyway he was always accusing me of that every time i argue with him.
One nice thing of what happened at work that so many coworkers showed support and empathy some gave their phone numbers in case i need anything.
My daughter just told me that he said he is willing to send her to another county to a college there and he told her it is not to separate her from her boyfriend but b/c there is so much things are going to happen between him and me so it is better that she won't be in the middle of things mmmm (ok let's say this is right what about my little son ?)
something to add my daughter told me now that he said i am having a lover since long time and that he doesn't want to talk more bad things about her mom
By the way Saturday i was at work when my daughter called me she was having health problems i asked her to tell her dad she refused He was home i hang up with her and called him he took her to the emergency the doctor said she has a lot of tension when he asked her if she has stress in her life my H said it is b/c of me (while reading back i felt i need to clear here; My H said it is b/c of him and that he was hard on her)coming back home he changed his way with her talking nicely today he bought her a laptop and he is trying now to turn her to his side...
i want to talk to him do you think it will work or he will also think i am afraid of him i think in his mind he believes i am leaving him for someone else anyway
With such an unstable man, it does not much matter what he thinks or agrees to. Everything goes out the window in a day or two, as though you had no discussion at all. Yet, if you show any weakness or flaw, he will remember that forever and try to use it against you when you are down. But, of course, you know this first hand.
lvs, the only thing you need to be doing right now is lining up a place for you, your daughter, and your son to live and getting LEGAL protection. He is going to try to keep you from taking your son. I don't know what he has up his sleeve, but I guarantee he has something.
Remember what I told you. He is spending every waking minute obsessing about you leaving. EVERY WAKING MOMENT. He is CONSUMED with stopping you. This is getting dangerous. You read Why Does He Do That?, right? Go back and reread it and learn how he's going to act. He is getting dangerous and he is NOT the husband you had before.
Why? Because before, you did what he wanted. So he could be magnanimous, he could be 'nice' to you as long as you do what he wants.
Now that you are rebelling, the meanness, the danger, the crazy obsessive is starting to come out. Stalking you at work, going through all your personal stuff, studying EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PAPER you have at home to find PROOF of you cheating - because it CAN'T be HIM that is causing this.
This is getting CREEPY. And SCARY.
PLEASE don't underestimate what he is capable of.
I truly don't think you HAVE another week with him without him doing something drastic.
For God's sake, he TOLD your daughter that she has to be out of the way because of what he is about to do to you!
Why is he sending her away? Because SHE is the ONLY person who supports you. He is removing your support system.
PLEASE get a restraining order and a legal way to get him out of your house.
Re: 28 years of marriage What ca i do? 
