28 years of marriage What ca i do?

LVS · 02-03-2011, 12:47 AM

UPDATE

"Call me urgently tonight to talk about tax return please"

My reply:
"Sorry the things you said to me in our last meeting and slapping the car door without letting me finish what i was saying made me see you not showing any kind of respect
So i don't feel comfortable to talk with you on the phone
You can send me a text message or a letter explaining what you need to talk about and i will reply"

He sent another text message
"If u are interested to make more money u have to forget your continuous hate for me for now and call me to explain u why"

I DIDN'T CALL OR REPLY

An hour later he sent:
"I'm still waiting forget your feelings now it's business"

After 15 min he sent:
"You know? to not embarrass u we can talk through D18 because i'm too not excited to hear your voice. waiting for the call"

LVS · 02-03-2011, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera

Did you inform everyone like I suggested? You might want to tell your work again that an important date is coming up and he may try something, to not let him in.

I didn't yet turnera i still don't feel scared. Should I? He wasn't violent before!!! But i will talk to my neighbors..

turnera · 02-03-2011, 09:05 AM

It's crazy how he thinks that, just by talking to you, he can change your mind. But I guess that worked in the past, didn't it?

He's having to go through a massive learning curve now, and that's never comfortable.

Hang in there, you're doing great!

LVS · 02-04-2011, 01:48 AM

Yes turnera all his ways worked in the past lol

Anyway he did it my way

he told me what he needed without me calling him or answering his phones
it is funny the way he did it though he started by talking in a rude and rough way he was very mean and was yelling in his voice messages saying that he doesn't care about hearing my voice and he asked me to stop my hate to him...blablabla
I was not answering or replying and his voice started to change

He said i don't have much time he took appointment today at evening with the office to work on the taxes and if i need to make more money i need to call him to tell him how much are my wages and compensations and he is going to tell me what is the best way to file for taxes and what should i do (i knew it wasn't about me he only care about himself)

I sent him text and told him Thank you I appreciate your concerns but i have people helping me with that.( i don't have anybody

but i know if he helped me with a little thing he will keep saying it for ever that he did something good for me)

He said those people who are helping you destroyed your life and they are going to destroy you. We need to file jointly for taxes if you don't agree you will destroy me more than you ever did

The funny thing when we had the conversation on Sunday he said that i need to file for taxes separately and now he changed his mind

I sent another text message and i agreed to do joint taxes but i asked him to postpone the appointment to my day off so i can be there too

He agreed and his tone in his voice message changed to become more nice and soft ...

turnera · 02-04-2011, 08:36 AM

Make sure you take someone with you.

LVS · 02-05-2011, 05:16 PM

The meeting is tomorrow
Since i read your post and i am thinking about it you are right and i don't want to be alone but i don't know anyone who can be with me
Posted via Mobile Device

turnera · 02-05-2011, 05:56 PM

Take your children, if no one else is available. He will be planning to use this to berate you again.

LVS · 02-06-2011, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera

Take your children, if no one else is available. He will be planning to use this to berate you again.

It was great idea thank you turnera.
I took my D18 with me. Everything went good he was extremely nice and i know why. It is because he needs me. If i filed separate taxes he was going to get only the quarter of what he is going to get now.

It hurts yes because he wouldn't ask to do joint taxes if this wasn't going to benefit him more
I could be mean and ask more than the half of the sum we are going to get as he would do if he was in my place lol i don't need that i don't care about money my loss is much more.

Anyway i should be more real because what i lost i never had hehh

turnera · 02-06-2011, 09:06 PM

Great job!

LVS · 02-07-2011, 10:58 PM

Sooo nice sooo soft sooo quiet sooo loving sooo caring voice hmmm i didn't believe it is him talking to me

He left me a voice message asking me to call him back and find a time to meet together just me and him without anybody interrupting our meeting he wants to say things to me he said you will be happy i promise

I didn't reply.
Few hours later he called back and left me another voice message

He said with the same tender tone "Sorry if i am insisting to talk to you but yes i am going to insist more i won't leave you before getting a reply and accepting my request please give me this chance without anyone else between us just me and you in private talk between a husband and wife i don't need to feel in court and someone is judging me i just want to be with you and only you please accept my request and as i said you will be happy.

turnera · 02-07-2011, 11:18 PM

Do you realize you're getting sucked back into HIS life?

Calling, calling, calling, texting, texting, confronting at your car, confronting at your house...and you are allowing it.

There is NOTHING he has to say that can't be written in a letter.

All he cares about is tricking you - through guilt, logic, kids, whatever it takes - into accepting him back into your life.

And it's working, isn't it? You give a little, he takes more. You accept that, he takes even MORE.

SHUT HIM OUT, LVS.

I KNOW you don't want what he has to offer. He has NOT CHANGED. He has nothing to offer except the life you ran from.

STOP REPLYING TO HIM.

LVS · 02-07-2011, 11:40 PM

I know he has nothing to offer
I know also he is suffering (i can't forget that this is the valentine's time and i know he forgot about how many special occasions i couldn't enjoy while he was mistreating me)
I know he is sincere when he says he wants to change and he wants to make up for me; but words stay words even if he meant what he said he is not doing the hard work that suppose to be done to help himself, SADLY he will never change

To be honest i had the thought flashing in my mind about going back to him but also i had so many thoughts pushing me away

I didn't reply turnera and i won't but if i do it is going to be just to tell him to limit his contact with me to be only about the kids

How i feel now? In extreme sadness. I just want to cry!!!!

Shianne · 02-08-2011, 12:50 AM

I just got told to fix me and we would be fine... but I am at the 13 yr mark...

LVS · 02-08-2011, 02:23 AM

Shianne I guess 13 years are more then enough to suffer... Take care of yourself...

LVS · 02-08-2011, 02:26 AM

He called back also i didn't answer
He left a voice message. This time his tone changed.

With a disappointed voice he said: "I am calling to say good night and to ask you to consider me as an animal not a human being an animal who is injured and suffering. Would you care for this animal or not?!
Just treat me like this animal and think about my request, use your conscience, and think about meeting together to talk".