28 years of marriage What ca i do?

turnera · 06-30-2011, 07:53 AM

So sorry. After the first couple of sentences, I was thinking, 'oh, he's starting to get it!'

And then he kept talking, and all the same old me me me me me started coming out.

Like Uptown says, give him the gift of silence. HELP him get better by refusing to be his crutch.

LVS · 07-17-2011, 08:42 AM

Thank you Uptown for the reminder about BPDers and i agree with all what you said

I followed your advice i gave him the gift of silence i didn't reply to his VM or call him on his birthday for the reasons you mentioned and also to not give him a chance to talk to me more.

Now i am leaving to my country for a visit to my family and i am blessed because my brothers paid the tickets for me and my S13 and my expenses over there.

Now he told my son that in order for him to let my son go he needs to take him personally to the airport to say goodbye to him.

hmmmm You know what that means....

turnera · 07-17-2011, 09:12 AM

Does that mean that you have to have his written permission to take your son?

LVS · 07-17-2011, 12:55 PM

Well i already have it he gave me this written agreement long time ago when i was planning to go to visit my sister and he gave it to me to show me that he is good and he has good intentions. He mentioned in it that he gives me permission to take my son with me on vacation to any country overseas at anytime i want.
This was dated on April 22nd but the way he said means i have the permission to take my son anytime i want RIGHT??

LVS · 07-17-2011, 12:59 PM

What i meant by if you know what that means , it means he want to see me and talk to me...

Anyway i do expect him going over there while i am visiting. Don't you think so?? This is his last hope to catch me when i am with my family to try to pressure me to go back to him. But i don't care if he did i will prepare my family to that in case it happened.

turnera · 07-17-2011, 01:17 PM

Yes, you have the right to take your son no matter what he says, if you have it written and signed. I know he just wants to see you. But you don't have to honor his wishes to see you off.

How will he afford to go over there?

Uptown · 07-17-2011, 01:27 PM

LVS, is there any risk of him preventing you from leaving your home country with your son once you all three are there? That is, could he declare residency there and ask the government to prevent you from taking your son back to the USA?

LVS · 07-17-2011, 04:51 PM

Uptown I asked my brother the monk to check for me because i know that this use to exist in the past so he asked a judge in the spiritual court in my country and the only way my ex can prevent me from leaving is by the presence of a court case and i should be informed about it but to do so now it takes time and the court close all the August month and i will be back before the mid of it so he won't be able to stop me.

As for my son i guess it is the same but even if he can my ex won't do it because all his kids will turn against him and he is counting on their support. Plus my son would not want to stay over there. My ex doesn't have anybody there to support him and no job and he has to come back here so this is not an option for him.

LVS · 07-17-2011, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera

Yes, you have the right to take your son no matter what he says, if you have it written and signed. I know he just wants to see you. But you don't have to honor his wishes to see you off.

How will he afford to go over there?

The problem is my son wants his dad to take him to the airport.

About him going over there, what he said to my kids is that he would go if he was able to sell our apartment over there but if he wants to go he will get the money maybe from his brother but i think he has it hmmmm

LVS · 07-17-2011, 10:42 PM

He told my daughter to ask me if i accept to go with him to the airport instead of letting my daughter drive all the way down

He said he won't bother me or talk to me anything

hmmmmmm should i accept a part inside me say yes to not let my daughter drive over there but another part doesn't want to meet with him

turnera · 07-17-2011, 11:10 PM

You know the answer. He is not trustworthy and he has not changed a bit. He will corner you, browbeat you, and have you in knots before you even get to the airport. He may 'intend' to not talk to you, but do you seriously think he could control himself? I don't.

LVS · 07-18-2011, 01:17 AM

I spoke with my S13 and told him you spend those couple days with your dad and you say goodbye to him on the Tuesday morning and you leave with us

Let's see tomorrow what is the reaction.

And no i don't trust him also my experience with him doesn't make me feel comfortable to to go with him or even send my son with him

turnera · 07-18-2011, 08:07 AM

So your daughter is supposed to pick up your son from his dad's? What happens if he refuses to let his son leave with your daughter? Will you have to go over there to get him? Don't think he hasn't thought of that. I urge you not to be in the situation of your son being with your ex up to the plane flight.

LVS · 07-18-2011, 12:01 PM

i would call 911 i have his written agreement to take my son also i have the physical custody so he can't do that

turnera · 07-18-2011, 01:47 PM

Ok, as long as you have a plan. When is the date?