Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Re: Another marrige falling apart
Well, I can tell you that I know how you feel, I'm about to be separating from my husband, we've been together 10 years and 2 kids. We too had our problems but I didn't know things were so bad and was totally blind sided when he confessed that he no longer loved me back in January. Then I found out about his affair. We were in limbo for a while, neither of us knowing which way to go. It was hard for me, and still is, to accept that after all we've been through he could just be done. Or that he could betray me so badly.
My advice would be to go to counseling, even if you think you are forcing her, if she's willing to go, don't question the motivation. Try to keep communication open, find out where she's at as far as wanting to work things out. If she does want to stay married and try to repair your relationship, then she needs to be completely transparent with you. No hiding phone calls or texts. Sure she shouldn't feel persecuted, but if she has nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a big deal. The best thing to do is get it all out on the table. Although my H and I are separating, over the last few months we have gotten out all our hurts, disappointments, mistakes, etc. We know where we went wrong, together and individually. So if we ever do reconcile, we know what not to do.
As far as contacting the OM, I wouldn't. I know how you feel, believe me, but nothing good can come of it. I would love to know how someone could be with a person they know is married, unhappily married or not. I would also love to take my anger out on her face. Not productive.
If she does want out your only option is to let her go. I have had to come to terms with that and it's taken me months. I'm still not completely ok with it, but I have no choice. I can't force him to stay when he doesn't want to, and can't make him love me. All I can hope for is that time and space will make him realize what he is throwing away.
But like Scanner said, you need to work on you, getting yourself right. Talking about it here helps, but if you're like me, sitting around the house, crying, feeling paralyzed, looking at your spouse and wondering who the hell they are, is not going to help. You have to get out, a hobby, friends, doing things with your kids, and just try to find some peace and happiness somewhere. Hope all works out for you.