Infidelity and confusion from the other side

Fromnowhere · 05-19-2008, 10:54 AM

My wife and I have been married for 7 years. I am military and have been away for about 3 of those 7 years. On the most recent trip I met someone and it got serious pretty quickly. I know this is very wrong and unfair to my wife. The problem is that I am falling in love with the other woman and am sure she is with me despite the fact she is aware I am married.
I am amazed that this happened and am not at all sure what to do. I know this is unfair to both of them and I can't honestly say who I want to be with...

This now makes me really question my motives getting married originally and if I have been living out of convenience for the last 7 years. Anyone know of any good books or material to help someomedecide the right course of action?

draconis · 05-19-2008, 11:00 AM

Are you sure the other woman isn't out of convinence right now?

Do you have kids?

draconis

happilymarried67 · 05-19-2008, 11:09 AM

I can see how it happened. You are just in a horrible situation. I would seek a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. The truth of the matter is if you want your marriage to work you need to let go of the other woman. Completely and work soley on getting your marriage back together. If you are not going to work on your relationship with your wife you owe it to her, to let her go so she can have a life. If there are children involved then you should let your affair go and work on your relationship with your wife because it doesn't sound like there were any other issues that would make me believe that the marriage should end in a divorce.

Fromnowhere · 05-19-2008, 11:42 AM

The biggest problem I have with my wife is sex. When we are appart she works out and maintains herslef, so when I come home there is a lot of attraction and "spark" there. But after about 2 months she gets comfortable, gets lazy, stops working out, stops eating right and usually gains weight. It has nothing to with the weight alone but being married to someone that is so comfortable is playing hell on my loyalties and interst.

Another big issue is children, we both want them but she can't have any due to a horrible ectopic pregnancy during my first deployment to iraq.

No I do not think the other is due to convenience as it is most definitely not convenient, especially in the environment im in as well as the military holding adultery as a punishable crime unlike civilian law.

draconis · 05-19-2008, 02:06 PM

I would say it is convience for you. You get what you want when you want it even though your wife in theory is loyal to you. If you want a divorce get it, it will save you the headaches and free your wife to find someone that will not cheat on her and possibly bring home a STD.

If the problem is children then adopt. So many kids need a good home.

draconis