"being w/ you is like having to eat spaghetti everynight for the rest of my life" WTH - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-10-2010, 11:58 PM Thread Starter
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"being w/ you is like having to eat spaghetti everynight for the rest of my life" WTH

I'll try to be short & to the point...my husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, i'm 31 and he's 32. We have 3 kids, ages 7, 5, and 2 1/2. We're very stable financially, live in a great home, take wonderful vacations, etc...and basically we have that picture perfect American Dream to those on the outside. Behind the scenes we're either arguing about everything or just down right indifferent. We are more like roomates or strangers in the night than a couple and we're really not compatible, we don't find the same things funny, very different boundaries, i'm pretty uptight & he's a free spirit. Our interactions revolve around the kids or current events...nothing intimate or really loving. He's been unfaithful before, we've gone to counseling, and confided in our parents who also gave advice. But nothing has worked to repair the relationship itself, we're just in a boring, monotonous, sexless marriage (1-2x's every couple months). So during one of our usual "talks" today he confessed that he's not being unfaithful b/c of a committment he made to God after cheating, but he's not "in love" with me, he doesn't view me sexually, and he basically gets sick at the thought that he has to be w/ the same one woman forever...and likened it to eating spaghetti everyday for the rest of your life. He also said he loves the kids and loves me "as a person" but I just don't "do it for him" anymore...he's bored and feels restricted. He said he knows will be married for at least the next 16 years (until our youngest son turns 18), after that there are "no guarantees". He "understands" if I can't accept this, apologizes but must be honest, he will "support" me in whatever i decide to do. But for him this is merely a sentence that he must do and "play the cards" he dealt himself. How the hell do you react to that? I was speechless. I'm still at a loss for words. I don't know what I can do to salvage my marriage...I'm physically fit, have a great career, do things/take classes to remain interesting (dance, cooking, etc...), i'm a great mom & i think i'm a good wife. The bottom line is he really doesn't want a wife anymore, now that he's successful and can have women that weren't even an option to him 10 years ago when we met or has enough money to hang w/ the "big boys" now, he feels like he's missing out. Please help

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 08:20 PM
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Re: "being w/ you is like having to eat spaghetti everynight for the rest of my life"

am sure theres more but......dont worry.......
he'll get his comeuppance!

get counseling w/ him there. maybe it'll help.

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 09:41 PM
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Re: "being w/ you is like having to eat spaghetti everynight for the rest of my life"

Why the heck would you want to be with HIM? Sounds like he's a total loser, frankly, with no respect for women, wanting to tap some hot A$$ because he thinks he's so much "better" now. With an attitude like his, he'll end up with some STDs and other things that will either make him wake up and realize what a loser he's become, or he'll be miserable most of the time while still trying to be the playboy and looking pathetic to everyone around him.

Counseling might help, so it is worth a try--maybe he'll snap out of this before any further damage is done. But if not, just be thankful you have a chance to dump him before he gives you an STD or exposes your kids too long to living a lie (the marriage, with him cheating or the marriage being empty). Good luck.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-15-2010, 08:54 PM
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Re: "being w/ you is like having to eat spaghetti everynight for the rest of my life"

I dont have a lot of advice, but I can relate to what you are saying. My husband once compared me to ice cream saying he loves chocolate but once in a while he would like vanilla. I dont know what they are thinking, being so full of themselves. I will tell you that over the years 16 yrs together 11 married my husband has also told me he is not in love with me and later has been in love with me. I think it comes and goes, for us anyway. I think as long as he is so closed minded about it there is not much you can do.
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