What can I do to make my husband love me - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-12-2010, 11:31 AM Thread Starter
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What can I do to make my husband love me

I really don't think my husband loves me, and I am not sure what to do. He is always calling me names, cussing, and yelling at me. I usely have to intiate our converasations, and it is obvious he isn't listening. I am not allowed to go with him to his friends gatherings. I think he felt like he had to marry me, because I got pregnant. I tried to prevent him from feeling this way, and I would not marry him at first. I explained to him, that I did not want him to feel obligated to marry me. I only wanted him to marry me if he was in love with me. We have been married for 4 years and our daughter is 11. Our relationship was never great even in the beginning, but I just love him so much. I was just willing to take whatever he would give. He was interested in my best friend first, but she was already engaged. Now, looking back I think he dated me to try to get closer to her. I was young and stupid. He would always flirt with her, but I felt petty and stupid for bringing it up. I got pregnant, and I think he has stayed with me because of our daughter. The pregnancy was awful. His mother and sister made my life awful. They would tell my friends awful things knowing that it would come back to me. They said hurtful things such as; I got pregnant on purpose to trap him. I didn't even know if he was the father of my baby, and he was the only one that would stay with me. I was a gold digger, and I mean it was just on going. I was always polite and nice to them. I didn't want to cause anymore problems, and didn't want my husband to get angry with me. He has never really physically abused me. He has only pushed me around and thrown things. He usely only does this, when I get upset about him being gone all night. He tells me he is not a child, and I know this. I just worry that something has happened. I told him if he would just let me know that he isn't coming home, then I wouldn't worry. I have asked to go with him, and he became angry. He said that he can't take me, because I would nag him about drinking. That is true...I do worry about that, because he becomes so mean towards me. It just doesn't agree with him. I can breath the wrong way and it ignites him. I guess I am getting older and seeing my other friends and their husbands. I am so jealous of them, and I know I don't see what goes on behind closed doors. When they talk about the sweet things they do it is just so wonderful. I just want my husband to love me half as much as that. I am not allowed to meet his coworkers, because he says he doesn't mix his work and personal life. This is logical, but his sister goes to lunch with them at least once a week. His mother, father, and our daughter are always in out of his office. Here recently I was in the area around luch time, and I thought it would be nice to surprise him. I was so excited, and I called him to let him know I was going to meet him at his office. He became angry, and said I eat with my coworkers. He then said how many times do you have to be told that I do not mix these areas. I just apoligized, and told him I thought it would be nice. He won't even take me out no matter how much I beg him. I guess I am just getting so tired of feeling this way. I know I am not the prettiest or the smartest, but I am not that bad. I know I am rambling, but last night his best friend got married. He went to the reception, and of course I could not go. It just came to me last night, while I was waiting on him to get home. His best friend is getting married, and I have never met his new bride. She has met his mother, sister, and my daughter but not me.
Please someone help me! I am still very much in love with him, but I just don't know what to do to make him love me.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-12-2010, 03:22 PM
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Re: What can I do to make my husband love me

Not knowing your husband, I wonder if there is really anything you can "do" to make him love you. I would ask him straight out why he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, why you aren't introduces to his friends or family. I would also seek counseling, at least for yourself. If you can get him to go, great, but I do doubt he would go.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-16-2010, 07:09 AM
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Re: What can I do to make my husband love me

If your husband is gone all night, he is probably cheating on you. If you've asked to go out with him and he doesn't let you, that's not healthy at all. He's hiding something. He also doesn't want to be around you, invite you to things, to work, etc. It sounds a little less like he doesn't love you and more like he resents you.

Try to talk to him about these things. Try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, then he has already given up on the marriage. Anything that you do will just be making that official.
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