i need major help
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Old 05-19-2010, 02:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default i need major help

so here it goes.

my husband an i have been married a little over a year now. We are both in the military and in the same unit. before i returned home from my first enlisted training, things starting going down hill and i knew i was going to divorce him as soon as i got home. i ended up cheating on him while i was in training. i came home and tried to divorce him, but he held that against me.

he told me he was going to go to our unit about it an get me discharged for it. I know what I did was wrong and i wish i could take it back. I wish i could have handled things a little better. (I'm 22 an he is 23).

So on to the second part. i'm trying to make it work, but it is not happening. The night he found out he put a gun to his head an tried to kill himself. I stopped him. He's always harassing me at work, he never wants me to have any guy friends. He gets mad that i work with males all day. Its getting bad, its driving me insane.

I need help cause i did not know how to get out of this without hurting my military career (we're national guard by the way). any advice would be great. ask any questions if you must
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Old 05-19-2010, 07:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need major help

Talk to your family services department and see what resources are there to help you. Having an affair may not be acceptable, but the way he is treating you is not acceptable either.
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Old 05-19-2010, 07:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need major help

I don't know about NG, but AD Army people who are punished for Adultery aren't discharged, but they do receive Article 15s and other forms of reprimand. ED, loss of pay, etc ( not all of it, but some).

If you cheated with another soldier you both put your careers at risk. The only way I see out of it is to go ahead and talk to someone like affaircare on here and see what she says. Just out of curiosity, what have you done to repair your marriage??

On a side note, my H cheated while he was off at training too, and I see it as the military sent you to go to school, not to go sleep around. You knew the risks and you made a choice. The fact that you are remorseful about it is good, but actions have consequences.You did the action half, now you have to deal with consequences.
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Old 05-19-2010, 09:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need major help

While your affair and its implications for your career and your marriage are one thing, his behavior is another--and his threat of violence against himself should have been taken quite seriously at the time. That's when you call the cops or insist he go to an ER (that's where the cops would take him, anyway), of course, once you have the weapon beyond his reach. His behavior was extremely manipulative, as is his threat of "telling on you." Take those threats away--insist he get mental health treatment or you leave. Also, can he actually prove you had an affair? If not, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Chances are that people know he is very manipulative and they may see it for what it is: a spiteful attempt to embarrass and discredit you so you won't leave.

Without mental health tx, I don't see much help for your marriage. His behavior suggests some serious issues. Yours has been unwise and impulsive, too, so get some help yourself. You are both young, but not so young that impulsiveness is totally normal (esp. from a woman), and there is pretty much no age at which holding a gun to one's head is considered "normal" behavior.

Good luck. And thank you for your service!
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Old 05-25-2010, 03:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need major help

thank you, we're getting divorced this week. i tried to prove him wrong on things an he just turns everything against me. i know what i did was wrong an i wish i could take it back. but they way he is treating me now is not acceptable and he pulled his loaded gun on my friend the other night.

so now i'm pretty much looking for help as to who i would have to go to, to get him locked up or put away in a psych ward for a very long time. he is unfit to be in the military an to deploy
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