Re: My husband has given up hope, but I haven't...
well, you might want to do some soul searching on why you fell in love with a guy like this. it says something about you.
im smack in the middle of this same dilemma. my H doesnt meet my needs in many ways. some very important ways. im at the cross roads of 'this is just the way it is' and 'it can get better.' you said your H is the one giving up. He's more then likely taken the stance that this is how he is, he cant make you happy, and so there's no point in staying together. maybe he is right. he could make himself do what you want for a little while, but maybe he feels like he's trying to be someone he's not. That probably doesnt feel very good to him. he probably thinks you dont really love him for him.
Try completely backing off. No calling, no texting, no nagging. I know its hard. i once had to break my phone to accomplish this. Be observant instead of judgmental. Dont talk about your relationship with him at all. eliminate all "us" talk. This includes any talk to friends/family. Try observing him. In other words, instead of saying to yourself, 'if he loved me he should be doing...', say to yourself, 'what does he do and do i love him for it?' start with just a week. if you can manage that, try two weeks, and up to a month. at the end, ask yourself, do you love him.
I did this experiment myself a few years ago (took me a couple years to digest all that i learned). what i found was heartbreaking. i found that i never knew my H, nor understood him enough to even know if i loved him. i had an illusion and it was the illusion that i was chasing. I never lost my H because i never had him. I lost my illusion. i was so constantly wrapped up in what i thought he should be doing for me, and trying to get him to do it that i didnt even know him. It wasnt any less heartbreaking to lose my illusion. It was as real to me as anything and i loved it. But it wasnt real. After five years i am just now starting to get to know who my H is. And for that matter, who i am.
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie